The Moatman Interviews - S2- No.11 'The Nineteenth hole' featuring @Angryassbastard

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, just like Will Smith, "we're finally here", the last in the current series. We've surfed the highs and lows of Boff's random questions across a dazzling array of guests, and we're going out on a high. Yes, today's very special guest is currently out on the 18th hole with Boff. You can spot them both by their golfing outfits and Boff's new hat, a gift from the Wombles no less, (although possibly ironic).

*The camera opens on a beautiful sunny green at the Merton golf club as Boff can be found on the 18th hole close to the bar alongside today's very special guest, Frank, the lovable Angry Ass Bastard. If truth be told neither Frank nor Boff are much good at golf, they just like hitting things and getting quietly plastered in the bar on light ales. But as the pair of them get away from the rat race here's the chance to get Frank's (the original Angry Ass bastard) philosophy on life, the universe and why most people are jerks.

Frank, it's a pleasure to have you here today, I am particularly liking your golfing slacks. It's fair to say you've had a rich and fruitful life and you're blessed with a lovely wife (Marie) and two boys, Robert and Ray, perhaps least said about Robert, but I wanted to begin by asking you what is the secret of your success?

Well, the truth is Boff, I’m a no talent hack who’s been graced with good fortune in my life, speaking in terms of my professional endeavors of course. How I ever got saddled with that battleax ol’ windbag of a wife, I’ll never know!

....and of course with a big family, snacks become a precious resource. Do you have any particularly strategies to ensure your foody goodies aren't snafooed by wandering hands?

If by snacks you mean copious amounts of alcohol, then my strategy is to restock the arsenal early and often! I’m not a very responsible person, but I do always make sure there’s enough alcohol in the house so I can tie one on at any given moment. Especially for those time when the mother in law decides to visit!

Talking of which, *Boff produces a small silver hip flask of something and takes a swig before passing it to Frank* but Ray grew up right and moved out to start a family of his own, that must have been a big day for you? how do you feel about that and the fact he now lives just across the street?

I’ll be honest Boff, I don’t care too much about whether I see Ray or not, but it’s great having the lovely Debrah around…a beautiful, take-no-bullshit kinda girl like that, just my type!

*Boff nods* Madame Cholet is a lot like that, she bosses the Wombles around and makes sure stuff gets done. Then again the Wombles are all in love her French accent. It's a complete lie of course, she's from Clapham. In fact she's more London than I am. Anyway, I wanted to ask about your other son, Robert, he has moved in and out a few times, do you have any particular fatherly advice to help him through his disastrous love life? Do you use your own relationship with Marie as an example?

Just between me and you Boff, I’m still not convinced that Frankenstein is even my kid! I mean, LOOK AT HIM! I seem to remember we had a rather large mailman around the time he arrived, so….yeah, I don’t know, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it!

I see, and coming to Marie now you two have been married for a long time, how do you keep the spark alight in such a long term relationship? is she your soul mate?

Hahahahahahahahahaha……OH that’s a good one Boff! She’s the very bane of my existence! We keep the so called ‘spark alight’ through constant bickering, banter and stinging insults! Let’s face it…when you’ve been married to someone as long I have, that’s pretty much the only form of communication that exists. I’ll tell you what though, that’s marriage. Anyone who thinks it isn’t hasn’t been married long enough. But you know what? She’s the only one for me and the only one I want. Oh, and soul mate? Yeah, I see people bandying about that idea….total fuckin bullshit if ya ask me. 

Now I'd like to ask you some questions about what irritates you in life, I think we're both agreed that most people are Jerks, but what ticks you off the most and why?

You mean other than my wife???? How much time do you have? I’ll tell ya Boff, appearances to the contrary; I’m a pretty laid back kinda guy and get along with most people. I’m not all that bothered by assholes so much as I am by the disingenuous, condescending, passive-aggressive douche-bags we all have to deal with. I also can’t stand the jack-asses that want to inflict their negativity on others. Yep, the phonies and trolls, the two worst kind of people in the world...ya think we could start a Twitter campaign to get them all banished to Siberia, or something?

...that sounds fair, I once gave Mick Hucknall a nipple cripple for cutting in front of me at Lidls, and what about the work place? Have you had any bosses that particularly irked you?

Haha, remind me to never cut you off! Bosses? They’re all a bunch of do nothing pant loads. And I should know, I’m one of them! I can’t decide which bosses I hate more: the ones who don’t know what they’re doing and fuck everything up or the ones who do know what they’re doing but are intolerable to work with. Hey, maybe we should banish all the bosses to Siberia along with the phonies and trolls! YEAH!

...and if you had the chance to talk to Justin Bieber what advice would you give the jumped up little popstar?

Justin Beaver? Who’s that? I don’t pay attention to pop culture too much so I don’t know….maybe I’d tell him to try listening to some real, genuine music like the Pixies…or Nirvana…or like some of the lads from your neck of the woods like The Who, The Stones, The Kinks, Pink Floyd and The Beatles. THAT’S real music!

You're well know for your quick wit and dry lines, so I wanted to ask are there any memorable occasions where your quick wit got you into trouble?

You don’t have to suck up to me, ol’ pal, we both know very well that I’m neither of those! Haha…well, I grew up in the tough city streets as a kid with a chip on my shoulder and a bad attitude to match….so you can imagine there’ve been a number of times I’ve told some well deserving ass wipes to go fuck themselves. In fact there’ve been so many that I can’t remember just one, but I can tell you that each one felt reeeeally good.

...and what about the elderly? are there any good things about getting older?

Getting old sucks, plain and simple, as Bettie White once said, “Getting’ old ain’t for sissies”. I don’t know Boff, the older I get, the more I realize how little I know. Sometimes I just want it to be over with already but every once in a while I get fleeting glimpses into the beauty that surrounds us, and that helps with the day to day monotonies of life. Fuck, I need another shot….”Bartender!”

Well our interview is about at an end here, just time for one quick final question, coming now to your legacy, how do you want to be remembered in the future?

If I do it right Boff, I won’t have a legacy. As stupid as this might sound, you know, me being on Twitter and all, I usually don’t like drawing much attention to myself….so when I’m gone, it’d be cool if people looked back on me and thought, “he may have been an angry ass bastard, but you know what, he was pretty funny sometimes and overall, that guy was alright”. I’d take that.

...and with that, our interview and indeed the series is at an end. Frank and I are going to finish off our berrie daiquiris in the club house and you my darlings can read the whole crazy damn fool thing again. enjoy! *pinky fingers up*

The Moatman Interviews -S2- No.10 'Continental breakfast' featuring Ö (@MissingNoCent))

The Moatman Interviews has always been big on imagination and low on budget, but this week, after a minor pools win we come to you from a more luxurious destination. Yes, today's interview opens on an elderly well tanned gentlemen stood on a golden beach, surrounded by a team of short, hairy, life guards in trendy beach wear. 

Hello my darlings it's me Boff Moatman, and on tonight's 'wish you were here' it's none other than the Misschievous one herself, the enigma that is Ö. Originally born in Cyprus, before moving to the shadows of Arsenal as a small child, our intrepid explorer has not only lived in Cyprus and the UK, but also India and Bali, and now resides in the heart of the Catalan capital. Boff caught up with Ö in a local tapas bar here in Barcelona after a very reasonable package deal.....first of all my darling Ö thank you for inviting me out here to meet you, also thank you for assisting in arranging for the passports for my 'special' entourage (the Wombles aren't supposed to travel). Now I know you've lived in a lot different countries and we'll cover that in a bit more detail later on, but I wanted to begin by asking did you always have the travel bug and do you ever miss your homeland?

Well, Boff, before I answer any questions, I’d like you to know that the only reason the Wombles were allowed over is because I promised the Spanish government that they would be helping to clean the streets, so I hope they’re not going to let me down. As for the travel bug, I’ve been travelling from the age of 5 when I first went to the UK (from Cyprus) with my parents. That’s when it first bit me and mosquitos stopped biting me.

...and you've been a resident of Spain, specifically Barcelona for a while. Are there any specific things about living in Spain that differ to over places you've been?

I would say the only specific thing about Spain that differs from other places I’ve been is that most of the beaches are actually manmade. I remember living above the Café Del Mar (Ibiza) and opening the curtains after a particularly heavy thunderstorm in the middle of the night, to find the entire beach had disappeared and in its place was a huge mound of rocks!

Boff confirms that he experienced something very similar himself, after a particularly torrid thunderstorm on Wimbledon Common, Boff woke to find a pair of man's underwear and a carrier bag of empty bottles had appeared on his favourite bench. Anyway I digress, I see, and of cause you are originally from Cyprus, so how did that differ? And how were you received by the locals?

Well, I wouldn’t say the locals received me but more a case of me receiving the locals (of the male kind).

Haha, and that leads me to another question I wanted to ask, which was what have your experiences been like with the male populations of European? Any national traits?

Hmmmm, national traits of European men, let me see…I’d say a vast majority of Spanish and Greek men are short, fairly hairy, reek of garlic and adore their mothers to the point their mother will ALWAYS come before you ( Erm…not in *that* way, perish the thought!)

I also wanted to ask you about languages, living in a foreign country how quickly do you pick up the language? And any recommendations for youngsters who are learning a modern foreign language.

Languages are pretty easy to pick up if you mingle with the locals and watch local TV. I am now able to swear proficiently in 5 different languages. I don’t know any other words though ;-)

...and what have been your high points and low points of living abroad?

My highest point (literally) has to be when I went to Laddakh a mountainous region in northwest Jammu and Kashmir in north India and in the area known as the Trans-Himalaya (the lands beyond the Himalaya: Tibet, Xinjiang and northern Pakistan). That trip also contained a low point when I received a MASSIVE electric shock when I tried to turn the tap off after taking a shower. It was that bad I couldn’t let go of the tap and my friend had to come in with trainers on in order to turn it off.

I see and do you have any amusing anecdotes from some of the scrapes you've gotten into on your travels?

If you want to know about amusing anecdotes, there are a few on my blog http://misschievousone.wordpress.com/ and I plan to write some more. Just don’t laugh too much about the fact I once got my head stuck.

Perhaps now is a good time for a question not related to travel, it's clear you're loving life to the full, and from your own blog you're quite the capable writer, what do you like to do with your free-time?

I like to relax in my free time, after all, isn’t that what we’re supposed to do after a hard day’s slog? Having said that, I love cooking and I draw. Boring I know but, it makes up for the fact I like getting off my nut and making a twat of myself every other weekend. I also like having a tan, so being in the sun is a must – whether it’s the beach, pool or just walking around (which I also do a lot of).

I see, and having seen at least three European countries on a day to day basis what's your opinion of the EU and is it still working?

I can’t comment on the EU without getting angry. It’s the worst thing that happened to Cyprus, for sure and to paraphrase the Life of Brian, what has Europe ever done for us???

I see, well my sweet our interview is close to an end, so I suppose the obvious question to ask is how much longer do you see yourself living in Spain, and where next takes your fancy?    

I don’t have any plans to go anywhere anytime soon but, who knows what tomorrow will bring. 
 
Finally, the less obvious question would be how do you sneak three wombles out of a Tapas bar who may have substituted the paella for something far less desirable. 

That’s easy, dress them in women’s clothes, teach them Greek and they’ll pass as a few old Greek ladies, moustaches and all ;-)

..and on that bombshell, Boff is off to enjoy a glorious sunset with Ö, provided they can smuggle the Wombles out unseen, don't order the soup. Ö can be found living la vida loca on twitter or catch more of her exploits at http://misschievousone.wordpress.com/ 

The Moatman Interviews -S2- No.9 'Transatlantic' featuring @NicolePolar

The camera opens on an elderly man wearing some garish flannel pyjamas and surrounded by stuffed toys (not including the odd womble or two). Boff and the wombles are tremendously excited as today they've been invited to a pyjama sleep over. The wombles have only ever been to one sleep over before and to be fair that was more of an illegal rave in a field where a dubious Jarvis cocker look-a-like tried to sell Uncle Bulgaria some of his magic sherbet. Today's affair is far nicer and more hygienic, in fact it's the first time Boff has been in a girl's bedroom in quite a while. Sitting patiently across from Boff on a huge bed is @nicolepolar wearing her own exciting set of pyjamas.

Yes, today's interview is a sleep over! I've got a bag of marshmallows and my teddy, and more importantly today's guest has let the wombles and I into her boudoir (she'll regret that later I think), we'll be playing twister and spin the bottle in a bit but first lets get this interview underway... Hello Nicole! and thank you for inviting us to a sleep over, I hope your dog doesn't like the taste of wombles. We'll be getting to the party games in a while but first lets begin with a question to help our readers get to know you. What five words would you use to describe yourself? and what is your defining memory of your youth?

Loyal, kind, goofy, hopeful, and a nerd. There was always a lot of shenanigans. If it was my therapist asking, I would say my parents' divorce, but since you're not, I'll share a tale of shenanigans. We once lived in a house with a smaller house attached to one side of it (like a duplex). The roof of the smaller house landed right underneath a window in the room I shared with middle little (sister). We were always out on that roof. Sometimes it was in fun, but often because I had pushed my Mother just a little too far, and she was coming to whoop me. One day I said or did something awful, and she came up those stairs full sprint. Middle little and I struggled in vain to get that damn window open. As soon as we managed to get it lifted a few inches, I was trying like hell to shove her through it, and ended up putting her ass through the window. Thankfully, she was wearing jeans, so the damage to her was minimal, but that window was in pieces. I will never forget the horrified look on my Mother's face. My ass still hurts from that whooping.

Damn! sounds to me like in the case of ass versus window the judge sided with the plaintiff. I must admit growing up I got a few tanned bottoms myself. My father (the fourth Earl of Biddulph, Staffordshire) was quite strict on discipline, particularly the rule about not straying from the path while up on the moors.  Now of cause, you also have two sisters, so I wanted to ask what were you like as teenagers? were you mischievous? or well behaved? and how did your dad cope with a house full of women?

Well, if I was told to go to my room, I went. If middle little was told to go to her room, she'd leave to go to a friend's house. If little was told to go to her room, you'd have to wait for her to come home first. I think that all things considered, I was relatively well behaved. I was always in trouble for basically destroying the kitchen. I've always been obsessed with cooking and baking, and I would make these horrific messes, and sometimes completely inedible recipes, as I perfected my technique. There was once an epic game of street hockey where a pan of my brownies were used as pucks. As for my father he went fishing. A lot. Eventually my parents got a divorce.

Oh no, that's so sad, I'm so sorry to hear that. Brownies are one of the higher order of biscuits, using them ice hockey pucks is such a tragic waste, and of cause also that your parents parted, that's always difficult for families as a whole. Aside from your parents, growing up were you apart of any scenes? I myself was a Hippie, Glam rocker and new romantic (over the course of about 9 months in 1982) what about you? were there any rahrah skirts and big hair?

Not really. I mean, there were a few bad hair (and clothing) decisions in there, but I never subscribed to any particular movement. My sisters were (and continue to be) far more trendy than myself.

*At this point Wellington and Bungo come marching into the room with a copy of twister under their arms and insist we join them in a game*. Alright, okay, Nicole left hand yellow, right foot red... Now coming back to grown up Nicole, I know you're a 'Lupus Fighter', which we'll come to in a moment, but I'm a big believer that a medical condition shouldn't define the person, so I'd like to ask you what you get up to? What does a typical day include for Nicole and what passions are close to your heart?

Every day is different, because my day functions around my energy level for that day. When I have the energy, I prefer to get out of the house to do something fun, but there is always housework to do, so I try to be mindful of that too. As for passions close to my heart, I think you already know Cooking and baking. Always.

At this point Boff apes the Cookie Monster and rubs his tummy. Boff and the wombles are all big fans of cookies, or biscuits as they're called in England. The Bourbon being a big personal favourite, ripe for dunking in cups of tea on the lawn while watching the joggers go round and round... ahem... park life. ...anyway, lets not get distracted, on with the game...okay, left foot yellow, right hand blue... *mmm impressive*... Okay, so now I'd like to ask you a question about Lupus, what is it like living with Lupus? and what strategies have you developed to help make life easier?

Lupus feels like the first day after a stomach flu or a bad hangover has subsided. You feel better than you did, but still tired, achy, foggy-headed, and a little bit nauseous. In coping I've learned when to ask for help. I am still working on everything else. Haha.

*With a free hand Nicole spins the wheel - Left hand yellow left foot red. Boff squirms into position* ...Bit breathless here, does my beard count as a limb? wait that's not an interview question. Okay, I know you like your family movies, you visited the polar express with your niece and sisters (see left). I wanted to ask what's your favourite movie and why?

My favorite movie is The Wizard of Oz. Always. There were many times in my life I wanted to escape to Oz by tornado or clicking my heels together three times.

*Bungo (who's wearing his TMNT onesie) spins the wheel - right hand blue,  right foot red. Boff squirms some more* Oh come on now, this is not a natural position for anyone!? never let it be said that I've let a game of twister distract me from the serious business of interviewing. So where were we? Well, that's an interesting view, ahem, sorry err. Nicole, I wanted to ask you about travel if you could visit Europe, which country would you go to and what sights would you like to see?

Why Boffy, I would like to come visit you! You would make the very best tour guide! Aside from that, I would love to go to The Louvre (in Paris, France) some day. I love art and art history. 

*Both Boff and Nicole collapse* Damn! I'm rubbish at party games, still you have to admit for a man in his 60s I'm still pretty limber. Okay, so how about a question regarding party games, what's your favourite party game and why? any amusing stories you can tell us?

Cards Against Humanity is pretty fantastic. That game makes me laugh to the point of tears. Have you ever played? It's vulgar, wrong, and delicious.

For the unanointed 'cards against humanity' is a card game for family and friends where people take turns to ask a question from a black card, and then the respondee has to choose an answer from a set of responses on a white card. The responses are suitably vulgar and wrong to bring amusement to all around. Personally I'd like to ask Wellington what he makes of Bungo's choice in Pyjamas. Before he came out this evening Bungo thought he looked well shat-plank in his teenage mutant ninja turtles onesie, but seeing him here in a girl's bedroom wearing it just makes him look a bit like a creepy intruder. Still, I digress...

Well we're almost done and I haven't asked you a wombles question yet, what do you make of them? I should apologise in advance by the way as I think they've already eaten the contents of your fridge.

Well, you know I love all animals and characters.

Well, that's the interview just about done, although we'll be staying up late here having midnight feasts (glad I brought that bag of marshmallows now the Wombles have cleaned the place out), I'd like to finish by asking you a sensible question, if you could leave us with one piece of advice to guide us through a happy life? what would it be? Mine's don't squeeze the toothpaste in the middle, because it goes everywhere.

Don't waste your life waiting for that one thing or that one person that you think is going to make your life awesome. Be your own awesome. Life waits for no one.

...and on that sage advice we'll leave you all there. Nicole, the wombles and I are going to stay up late watching the polar express and having pillow fights, provided we don't wake the neighbours and we'll see you again next week for another intrepid adventure into a twitterer's tales.

The Moatman Interviews -S2- No.8 'kitty pride' featuring @FelineFancies1

*This week's camera opens on a beautiful lavender garden on a hot summers day. Unfortunately when our host learned that he would be getting to interview 'the cat woman' this week, he got the wrong end of the stick and became very excited. After disappearing into town for several hours he returned triumphant having acquired a 'batman' costume ala Adam West. It wasn't until we sat him down and explained that by 'cat woman' we meant today's guest runs a cat sanctuary that the penny dropped. A crestfallen Boff still in Batman guise minus the cowl sits opposite this week's showbiz guest, who's wearing a baseball hat with faux cat ears (to make him feel better) and sipping a pina colada. Yes, this week's guest is a former west midlands lass who moved to the bright lights big city of Canada, and runs a cat sanctuary for down on their luck kitties. 

Hello my darlings! we've gone all Alfresco to make the most of the summer before the rain starts, today I'm joined by an ex-pat (not in the Eastenders sense) who has something of a feline persuasion, yes, today's guest is @felinefancies1 all the way from Vancouver Canada.

Thank you so much for joining us today, I do hope the trip across on Womble Airways was okay and that you're not too jet-lagged. I have several questions for you to help us get to know you better and I promise not to use the P word (oooh Mrs Slocombe!). Firstly, I wanted to ask how do you end up running a home for special need cats? and how many cats have you got?

I have five and I take in cats with various medical complaints because nobody else wants them. Life is life no matter how long you have left. 

*Boff wipes a tear from his eye* that's a beautiful sentiment, I also found myself down on my luck in 1989 when a failed stint as a roady for Status Quo left me without job and home. Fortunately I found the wombles who took me and trained me up. As they say, keep Britain tidy, and where there's muck there's brass etc. 

anyway I digress, looking after sick and out of luck cats sounds like a lot of work, but it must be very rewarding too. Have you always loved animals? and did you have any exotic pets as a child?

I have always loved animals and as a matter of fact I did have a tortoise. That's about as exotic as it got in Birmingham in my childhood. 

...indeed, the Wombles are like my pets really, except that they can talk, and have opposable thumbs, and boss me around. Would you ever considering opening a home for Wombles? Uncle Bulgaria is getting on a bit?

I have enough cat fur to deal with without adding Womble fur to that. *At this point Feline produces a brush from her handbag and gives Boff a quick combing to demonstrate just how much fluff you can collect sat in your back garden under shade. 

blimey, thanks, and what about music? Bungo's love of Drum n Bass is well documented on the blog, and we've seen your Duran Duran pictures, I wanted to ask do you ever do any kind of jazzercise classes for your cats? It's kind of a dream I had once.

My youngest cat has bouts of the flying red horse and does a late night circuit class around our home using furniture as obstacles to leap over. Its too fast for rest of us to join in. 

Anyway! enough of the cat part of your life, I wanted to ask you some non-cat related questions too. So if you're know as the 'Cat Woman', does that mean you're dating the 'Bat man'? (Boff gestures to his own costume) Is there a Joker in your life?

There is a Joker around here somewhere but usually its best to ignore. *Boff's crime fighting ears prick up at this point and he orders Wellington and Orinoco to do a sweep of the garden for any master criminals lurking in the flower beds*

I see, and of cause you were born and raised in dear old blighty before leaving for Canada, was it strange being in a new country and did you miss Britain? what were those early days like?

I landed on the East Coast of Canada first in bitter cold conditions but only stayed a couple of years before heading to West Coast and much more relaxed lifestyle. It was like another planet the first few weeks.

..and do you have any amusing stories about setting up the cat home in those early days? any scrapes or odd goings on?

There are oddities every day around here. One of my first senior rescue cats did choir practise at 3 AM every day. I'd never wanted to kill a cat before then. I didn't of course. *Boff sympathises, Bungo often regales the whole household with his urban dance beats at all hours of the day and night*

Indeed, and of cause you can take the girl out of Britain, but can you take Britain out of the girl? Are there any specific things you miss about the old country?

No you can't take the Brum outta the girl! I miss Marks and Spencers underwear. Oops I think I was supposed to say family. *Boff blushes*

how, err, interesting, and what about Canada, what are your highlights about living in Vancouver? would you recommend any of our readers pay Canada a visit in the future?

Vancouver is a delight! Relaxing and beautiful beaches and mountains.

Well my darling, our interview is almost at a close, there's still plenty of booze left and I promise to top up your sun cream in a moment, but as a final question I wanted to ask you about cat nip. Do cats really go mad for it? and have you ever used it for nefarious purposes?

Nip is the drug of choice in this home for now. Although too much of it and we all become combative. *sounds like strong stuff to me*

outstanding, well my darling that's it! our interview is completed and I even made it through the whole thing without saying pussy once.

The Moatman Interviews -S2- No.7 'Having a laugh with Anthony Rodden' featuring @RoddenEnderby

*The camera opens on Boff Moatman looking incognito wearing a smart suit with his beard neatly combed* Hello dear friends, today's interview has taken on something of a James Bond theme. I've traveled 'over the river' in a rickshaw to meet today's very special guest in a South London pub. As you may have guested I don't travel south of the river much so am doing my best to blend in. Today's guest is due to meet me here at 1pm sharp to discuss his mission for world domination. He'll be one wearing the yellow daffodil in his lapel. Boff patiently sups a furry pint of mild in an empty pub save for two old boys playing dominoes by the window. Then at just before 1pm the door blows open with a creak and leaves and dust blow into the pub. Boff straightens his suit and hair before commenting to the landlord that it's blowing a fair old gale out there. Turning back to his pint he notices a tall hirsute stranger to his right, with a daffodil in his lapel! Yes, it's International man of mystery Anthony Rodden, here to tell us about his adventures in comedy and standup! 

Anthony, hello! and thank you for joining me today. I have plenty of questions for you, lets start with a nice cold drink. What's your preferred choice of poison? and what's the oddest drink or combination of drinks you've ever had?

Hello Boff! Thank you for having me at this conceptual dive of yours. Very swish indeed! I received your brown envelope behind the flowerbed as you requested, however I wish that you gave me some warning in regards to the volatile nature of the message. I gave some poor bugger a heart attack! A drink would be a fine social lubricator! My usual poison is either a gin and lemonade if I’m feeling spiritual, or a Pendle Witches Brew if I’m feeling like a bitter bastard!

The strangest drink that I have ever had isn’t strange per se, but I bloody well felt strange once I drank it. It was a ‘Brugal 151’, which is rum from the Dominican Republic that is unsurprisingly illegal in this country, but spies will be spies. It is 75.5% proof and is the only drink that I have ever had which has made the room spin around. Never again.

haha brilliant, now, I want to ask you about comedy. You've started along the heady world of the stand-up comic. So I wanted to ask what inspired you to want to do stand up?

Yeah, I started comedy a little while ago. I’ve only done two gigs, so whether I can call myself a comedian is up for debate, but I have started now and I have no intention of stopping yet. I’d have to say that initially it was friends and family that inspired me to do so, as they have often said how I should go on stage and do some stuff, but I never really bought what they were saying because they’re my friends and so they’ve had longer to get used to who I am rather than total strangers who have come specifically to see someone who will make them laugh. 

My main comedic inspiration would be Peter Cook who I first saw on one of the Secret Policaman’s Balls when I was a young child and found myself kicking my legs in joy during the coal miner sketch. Cook just demonstrated to me that you can really perform comedy in such a peculiar way that is hilarious to the point that it is delivered with stern seriousness. As I got older, I heard the Derek and Clive albums, and his conversations with Chris Morris (I came across the 2001 Brass Eye special when I was in primary school at the time and that also had a tremendous influence on me). There are several influences that I can name; however, Cook was defiantly the first for me. 

...and what was your first 'gig' like? were you scared? and what was it like when you were up there? You beat the Frog is that right?

My first gig was absolutely terrifying! I went to The Frog and Bucket in Preston to lose my virginity, and I lasted the whole five minutes (which may seem like a short amount of time, but once you’re up there, there is no concept of time at all). 

I went on my own as my girlfriend had some work to do and so I was even more terrified when I was up there. Before I went on the stage, I could feel tremendous pressure pushing down on my chest and I was beginning to feel a full blown fit of anxiety. 

Once I got on the stage, I was still terrified, but I found comfort in the fact that the light was so bright that I couldn’t see anybody and so it felt as though I was completely alone. 

When I finished my set, my girlfriend was next to the stage cheering and I couldn’t contain myself at all, it was like I was on drugs. She came down to surprise me and it bloody well worked. I feel that nerves are tremendous for performance and the minute you stop having them is the day to pack up and do something else. It was truly a wonderful experience.

As a fellow beard wearer, I often get folks shouting 'hello Gandalf' at me, you yourself have something of a more biblical visage. I'm keen to know how you handle heckles when people shout 'Alright Jesus' at you?

Haha! Yeah, I get called Jesus a hell of a lot when I am walking around, but it is a cross that you have to bear if you have long hair and a beard. I’ve yet to reach the rank of Gandalf, and I must admit that he is the superior magical character of the two. How do I deal with it? Well, I used to absolutely hate it, but now, not so much. If I see a group mentioning it to one another in front of me then I defuse it by walking towards them with my arms stretched out. I’ve occasionally offered my forgiveness, but if I notice that they also look like somebody, then I would highlight that also. Sometimes they laugh, sometimes they don’t. I do wear flares from time to time, and some kid once pointed and said ‘Look at this guy with the Jimmy Saville Pants’… The boy in question was wearing a tracksuit. 

...in a related question, have you ever been tempted to go into any well known banks and open an account in the name of Jesus?

You know, I haven’t until now but I will certainly consider doing so. When I walk past preachers in the street, I do have to fight the urge from snatching the bible from their hands, getting my pen out and asking ‘Who would you like this out to?’ I guess that’s just the devil on my shoulder.

...now I'd like to ask where you get your comedy ideas from? are you a people watcher like me?

I get a lot of my ideas from watching people. Someone once said that life is the strangest thing that you will ever do, and it is certainly one of the strangest things to observe. It is often wonderful when you’re walking down a street and you hear a snippet of a conversation. It is like a little window into the private affairs of others. 

But I also get a lot of inspiration from how people react to me when I am out and about. It is a difficult thing to isolate where my ideas come from, as they can just fire across my synapses when I’m walking around. There is nothing wrong with making yourself laugh, and it is about time that people stopped feeling ashamed of doing so, as I feel it is the first step in making others chuckle. 


...that's interesting, do you have any amusing anecdotes from being in a supermarket? That's where all the best people watching takes place. In many ways a person in a supermarket surmises all human behaviour.

I completely agree with you about supermarkets. They are a hive of all things human, and to place people in that unnatural environment can truly reflect their nature entirely. There was one time when I observed a chap having a disagreement with a self-service machine. Literally, he was screaming ‘How can there be a fucking unexpected item in the bagging area, when I pissing placed it there!’ One of the members of staff had to come over like an orderly and instruct him on the best way to resolve the issue. I truly felt for this individual, and he received my sympathy as well as some degree of amusement. 

...and what about family? do you have any good anecdotes about family? any father - son stories or the time your embarrassing uncle got drunk on egg-nog and showed nan his 'scar'?

I have a couple of anecdotes about my late, Great Grandfather. I never met the man, however I feel a natural affinity towards him. He was a very strange man and enjoyed playing practical joke on the children of the neighbourhood. 

There was one story that I heard which I will keep alive until the day I die, and that is that he had a tree in his garden which he hung exotic fruit onto, such as pineapples, lemons, kiwis and the like. Children would walk past and marvel at Mr Ellison’s tree whilst he stood by and chuckled. When he was a child, he and two others were tasked with painting a fence green. They came across a pig, and naturally, the pig received the same treatment. 

...hahah brilliant, and what about the future? what does the next couple of weeks have in store for Anthony? anything exciting coming up?

There isn’t much on for me in the next two weeks. I had a gig in July and likely more lined up so I’ll be doing some writing and practicing for them. Other than that, just enjoy the sun whenever possible. 

Finally as we're doing the spy thing and meeting up incognito I'd like to ask what kind of James Bond you'd be? and what kind of gadgets would you insist on having?

I am a huge fan of James Bond, and so this is a harder question to answer than it seems. I guess that I’d be more like 009, the chap who is dressed as a clown and gets a knife thrown in his back in ‘Octopussy’ (not all 00’s lead the lifestyle of Bond).  My gadget of choice would probably be a tooth implant from Q branch so that I become more interesting in conversations. Thank you very much for interviewing me, Boff. This has been really enjoyable. The pigeon flies northwards other St. Petersburg. 

...and with that Anthony purchases a bag of pork scratchings and some bacon frazzles for the journey and heads for the door. Then on a spur he spins and shouts 'think fast' throwing the pork scratchings to Boff before disappearing out the door into the gale. "Boff sighs and whispers under his breath, 'what a guy'". Anthony can be found whizzing around twitter on a unicycle and at his website 'http://www.deskcafe.co.uk/'. you can also see the fabled Frog and Bucket gig as well as other stand up routines on youtube at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TLbjGfbESAQ

The Moatman Interviews -S2- No.6 'Agricultural pastimes' featuring @JournoLizF

This week's Moatman Interview has taken on more of a rural feeling, with our special guest inviting Boff up to her farm. Unfortunately, despite living on Wimbledon Common, Boff has learnt all he knows about farming based on old episodes of Emmerdale and the Fast Show. This explains the rather unusual choice of deer-stalker hat and monocle. For the first part of the morning Boff wandered about in the lower field waving a Shepherd's cane above his head and directly the Wombles to find anything that looked like a cow. It wasn't until our guest, Liz Falkingham, went down and rescued him that we could get things underway.

Back at the the farmhouse having been suitable refreshed with cups of tea and jam on toast the wombles are taking a nap, while Liz prepares to answer what ever random and bizarre questions Boff might have dreamed up this time.
Hello! dear friends, today myself and the Wombles are down on the farm *adjusts deer-stalker*. In truth I've not been to a farm before but today's guest has assured me that she will take good care of us. Yes, today's guest knows a thing or two about country life, it's Liz Falkingham

Hello Liz, and thank you so much for inviting me down to your farm, myself and the wombles are tremendously excited to be here. I guess working on a farm must be a lot of hard work, so I'd like to ask you first of all what does a typical day hold for you? and when do you have to get up?

I’m up at 6.45am but my husband, who is the proper farmer, usually gets up at 6am – earlier if there are cows calving. I’m not sure there is ever a typical day on a farm, particularly if you have livestock, but at the moment our cows and calves are out at grass so the day starts with checking them. Then there are some finishing bulls and the last of the calvers to be fed and bedded at the farm, before field work starts. That can be anything from cutting grass, turning and baling for silage to applying sprays or fertiliser to crops. I also run a small livery yard at the farm, plus have a PR/freelance writing business to fit in as well!

that does sound exhausting and in terms of farm animals, which is best? cows or pigs? or chickens, and are they all very noisy? Personally I once got attacked by a goose that chased me across Wimbledon Common and it was very noisy indeed!

We only have beef cattle, despite my repeated requests for some pigs and sheep! Pigs can be noisy – there’s a pig unit near here and you can hear the sows yelling for their feed at certain times of the day, and don’t even get me started on the smell… We have suckler cows – mostly Hereford and Aberdeen Angus crosses from dairy cows. We cross these with our Stabiliser bulls and then rear the resulting calves. I must admit I do love beef cattle, especially the Hereford crosses – they are gentle and inquisitive, and have a beauty all their own.

*At this point Boff decides to regale Liz with his own adventures in keeping Wombles, who can also be quite noisy and smelly, except for Madame Cholet who is always turned out immaculately* I do love a good cow but they're big buggers, I should imagine that alongside all the hard work farm life must be rewarding too. What's the best bit about being a farmer?

I never get tired of seeing calves born; it is an everyday miracle, every time. I don’t know any livestock farmer who doesn’t feel that way, despite what the animal rights’ fanatics might tell you. There’s also unmatchable joy to walking through a healthy crop on a spring day, with skylarks above you and hares bounding in front. On a sunny day on the Yorkshire Wolds, there’s no place else you could wish to be.

That does sound beautiful actually, very peaceful, in the city it's just a manic blur of people, particularly on the underground at rush hour, which is also noisy and smelly. Anyway, I digress, as a city boy I'd like to ask some questions that I'm sure my readers would love to know the answer too, so first of all do you ever get used to the country 'air' and is it genuinely better for you than city air?

Having never lived in a city, I’m not sure I can answer that objectively, although I can’t imagine car fumes are good for anyone! We live close to the coast, so on certain days there’s a salty tang in the air which is delicious. I also love the smell of freshly-mown grass at silaging time – it takes me straight back to my childhood, of course, there are other country smells which I can’t say I love – pig or chicken muck being spread would probably top that list!

... I see and what about tractors? do you have tractor races with other farmers? and do you ever take it into town when popping to the supermarket? If I did own a tractor I can think of several buildings fit for muck spreading.

Ah, tractor races! Well, not me personally, but I have heard of it happening – usually followed by reports of a load of straw bales tipped over or a severe b*llocking from the police. Most tractors don’t do much above 25mph other than ones like JCB Fastracs, so they’re not really designed for racing and, if you’re small like me, any bumps send you bouncing off the seat like a ragdoll.

Yes, I’ve stopped in town before now – usually for fish and chips when we’re working late stacking bales in the summer. Funnily enough, people tend not to argue about parking spaces when you’re driving a tractor.

Indeed, and now a topical question, how has being in the EU affected you as a farmer? do you have to make sure your bananas are EU regulation shape and size? Personally I don't mind a bendy banana so long as it still fits in my lunch box.

Most farmers will tell you the EU means red tape and regulations – which national governments either embellish further (in our case) or ignore at will (Italy and France spring to mind!) Of course, it also brings benefits – despite the furore about immigrants, large sectors of the UK farming industry would be crippled without migrant workers.

I see, and I know on your farm you run a mixture of arable and pastoral with beef cows, if you could have a new 'animal' or crop to add to the mix what would you go for? for example what about ostrich I hear they're quite popular and the eggs are massive!

The ostrich thing happened a while ago in UK farming – I wouldn’t be keen, nor on other exotics, to be honest. I do have a hankering for pigs but my husband gets a mulish expression on his face at the mere mention, so it’s not likely to happen. Money trees would be nice – know where I can get any saplings?

*Boff laughs out loud* When Wellington was quite young and less streetwise he did ask whether it was true that money grew on trees, something he'd overheard the grown-ups saying. Uncle Bulgaria being a scamp said 'oh yes' of cause, we have an orchard of money trees just across the common. It did however back fire when Uncle Bulgaria discovered the money jar (*actually it's the swear jar, because Bungo is a foul mouthed little so and so) missing, and then found Wellington in the backgarden burying handfuls of small change in the hope that it could start his own orchard of money trees. 

Now tell me, after all of that hard work what does a country lass like yourself do to unwind of an evening?

I have a gundog puppy I’m training at the moment, so I do some work with her. I’m also chief homework helper for my son, so there’s usually a stint sat round the kitchen table. Other than that, you can’t beat a soak in a hot bath with a glass of wine and a good book. Anything else I get up to isn’t fit for print, I’m afraid.

*Hahah must be the country air!* so what advice would you give to any budding young farmers thinking of getting into the farming industry?

Don’t be put off by outdated ideas of what farming is all about – in the UK, agriculture is a high tech, forward-thinking industry with lots of opportunities for young people. Getting your own farm is very challenging, there’s no doubt, but there will always be jobs for those who want to work on the land or in one of the many ancillary industries. You don’t have to come from a farming background either – we had an apprentice who came to us from working in a care home; he had literally never been on a farm, but by the end of his time with us, he was driving tractors, calving cows and participating fully.

Thank you Liz, I think that's a wonderful message, as a city boy myself I've already learnt so much today, and not even a Dingle in sight, which is a bit of a relief actually. Well it's been a lovely day and we've had a chance to see some real sights and sounds, so thank you again for showing us around. We have just enough time to ask one final question before we wrap up today's interview, so I would like to ask you do you think a Womble would make a good stable hand for your farm?

Hey, if you can hold a brush, there’s always straw to be swept up. In fact, if you step this way, I’ve got just the job for you….

.....and with that today's interview comes to a close, hopefully Liz won't work Boff and the Wombles too hard, although some of them could do with some toughening up, and to burn off all the jam and toast they got through earlier. 

The Moatman Interviews -S2- No.5 'The one with the funny' Featuring @AhhgeeProd Part 2

>>RECAP>> Last week on the Moatman Interviews.... Boff realised that he'd taped over an OU Geography lecture from the early 1980s when making the AhhGee Interview tape....*sound of news at 10 bongs* ....Andy Harland admitted that he gives women blokes names, but for non-sexy reasons...*more bongs*...Michael Bell once got asked if he had the time on his cock... *Sound of church bells*...and Grax realised that he was supposed to be writing a comedy show for the Edinburgh Fringe! *sound of sirens*

Yes, hello my darlings we're back in my underground lair to watch the second half of the Moatman Interviews with the lovely lads at AhhGee productions who were back stage after a warm up Podcast for their impending stint at the Edinburgh Fringe. Now, has everyone been for a wee? and are you all sitting comfortable, yes you Gibbs at the back I'm talking to you too. Then let us begin. *Wellington wheels in a big CRT television on a trolley still paused at the point we left off last week with Andy trying to take a slurp of his UmBungo drink. 

*Boff closes the curtains and then presses play on the tape* Again for the purposes of today's interview Mr Andy will be replying in red, Grax will be replying in green and in a cool blue, much like himself, Mr Michael Bell's replies will be in blue.

*The television flickers momentarily and then springs back to life, opening on a backstage dressing room where Grax and Andy are sitting on a two seater sofa and Michael has got up to make himself a cup of hot bovril from the small kettle next to a large mirror* 

Well now guys, it's great to see that things are going swimmingly and that you're just about set for the Edinburgh Fringe, but of cause you also manage to find time to fit a regular podcast show (see http://ahhgeeproductions.com/) with its own army of fans and listeners. So I would like to ask how are things going with the AhhGee nation? you seem to have quite a roster of job titles racked up for your followers already?

I know, I find it hard to believe myself. It’s been 6 weeks and people are still sending in applications to be part of the nation. I’ve lost track of who exactly is in the nation! I think we’re gonna have to create some kind of web page or online group or something to keep an eye on everyone.

Well first of all as King I would like to be addressed in the correct manner, not thrown in with the rest of my flunkies. The Nation is going strong, we need a map and a flag then we can start to invade our rivals. Grax is right I think we need a facebook page for the nation so folk can request and see if we promote them for services to the nation.

As official ambassador of the #AhhGeeNation I take it upon myself to engage with our royal subjects, mainly because King Bell point blank refuses. I'm not sure of the numbers but I would say we are nearly up to 25 royal subjects. That's a population four times larger than bude Cornwall. We now have a shop, a tuck shop (in the castle), a bar, a karaoke queen, a witch, a Lady Quip, an urban gymnast but no wombles... Strange. 

*Boff ponders a moment what an AhhGee nation might be like with the wombles in it, at first idyllic with the wombles ensuring all public areas are neat and tidy, but slowly it dawns upon Boff the horror that would unfold. Within their kleptomanic tendencies and Bungo's insistence on being chief Drum n Bass DJ, so that it could be played around the clock 24 hours a day.* *Boff Shudders* no, I think the AhhGee nation is just fine being free of Wombles. 

After last week's solo questions for Andy and Michael it is now time to turn our attention to the remaining member of the gang and probe a little more deeply into the mind of Grax. You've recently returned from adventures down under, after the failed 'C-food diet' incident, I'd like to ask you what culinary adventures you've discovered in Oz?

I think the most adventurous thing that I ate over there was kangaroo meat. I set out to eat some local wildlife and I succeeded. Turns out ‘roo meat is tougher and less flavoursome compared to beef. Maybe that’s why cow is often the preferred meat to eat. The next meat for me to eat would be koala.

Interesting stuff, I always thought that non-descript meats tasted like chicken, I've also noticed that you quite like a spot of the old clown make-up, that'll make former guest @webbpaganfinger (see Series 1 episode 3) pleased. Have you ever turned up at a social occasion in clown guise and how did it go??

Funny you should say that. I went to work one day (my day-job) dressed up like a clown for the UK national charity event Comic Relief. From clown face to red nose to big wig. I found out that one of my work colleagues has a small fear of clowns. I had fun creeping next to him and then he would creep away. The thing is I really tried my hardest to look not-scary! 

Here’s a video of my clown-face on: http://youtu.be/5XOUk2a0b5k

Indeed, and talking of Grax's adventures down-under the recent podcasts has featured the rather dulcet tones of Teresa Coyne, do you have any plans to lady-fy your future podcasts? and does Grax fill left out after missing her guest slot?

You damn right I feel left out! I love doing the show and I love talking to lovely ladies. I really should stop going away.

ARE WE NOT ENOUGH FOR YOU????? Sir I am insulted. There are some brilliant friends that are woomins that I would have to have on the show but the problem is I am inclined to fall in love with them, and Andy will just be awkward or tweet at them until there is court action so it is best all round we don’t.

So we really aren’t allowed women on the show, Teresa was the safe option, her repulsive looks and personality meant we could do a show for a couple of weeks with her without fear….I have been great friends with her for ages now, if I complimented her she would think I have done something wrong.

We are working with the wonderful Adele Cliff, or to give her full name Adele ‘ARRRGGGH THERE’S A CLIFF’ Cliff, who is a great friend of mine and stupidly talented lady for the Fringe show and I am sure we will chuck her on the show before hand.  She is also the one that came up with the DING whenever I say my name at the fringe last year. 

I just want to make it clear that I have not driven any woman to a court appearance yet. (Mainly because I don't drive into town much), however we as an equal opportunities podcast shall be bringing lady voices to your ears soon.. Especially as the King stated in the form of the lovely Adele Cliff. In fact you have had three other lady voices on the show already in Adele (@adelesramblings) , Katie Lady Quip Ruane (@swearing_queen) and a former interviewee in the wonderful Emma (@emmapashmina) (see Series 1 episode 9).

Let's also not forget the fantastic new #AhhGeeInterviews which has already seen two very talented ladies interviewed in their own bonus editions. 
www.ahhgeeproductions.com/category/interviews

*laughs* Brilliant, and what does the future hold for AhhGee? we've not even touched upon your comedy clips yet like mundane reporter and wolfman, what's in store next?

I would say that our plan right now is to do more of what we’re currently doing. Not just more podcasts but do more videos, do more interviews, do some more shows. We’re aiming to be HUGE!

Cough Cough, watch DingandJones as well please, a youtoobe double act i’m in.  There will be more ahhgee videos, plans are afoot and the crayons are out for writing sketches.

It's an exciting time time for AhhGee, we're just over a year old with plenty of sketches on our YouTube and a "quite good" podcast series plus the live show in the mix, I'm certain of plenty more to come in the coming months and beyond, plus a few surprises along the way I'm sure. That's the best thing about the show, it's dynamic and consistently introduces us to lots of new people. 

well gentlemen I can hear the sound of your tour bus pulling up (sounds scarily like an ice cream van), so that must mean that our interview is just about at an end. it's been brilliant visiting you and as I'm away from home territory it also means you've managed to survive without a womble infestation so I would like to end with a quick fire question on who are your comedy gods and why?

Oh you sod, we could be here some time with this question.

Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimer - because it is Vic sodding Reeves, I remember watching shooting stars when I was about 8 and without wanting to sound like a complete wanker it utterly changed my life and way of thinking.  The Randall and Hopkirk deceased came out when I was maybe 11 and blew my mind, obsession started from there really.

I managed to go to most recordings of House of Fools and finally met Bob last year, which genuinely was a life ambition achieved. I have met Vic once at a book signing but I couldn’t actually talk to him, I became a statue so my girlfriend at the time did all the talking, then when we broke up she took the bloody book the bastard or whatever a lady bastard is called.

I also think Vic is just an amazing actor, look at him in Eric and Ernie as Eric’s dad or in Hebburn he is wonderful, even in Brainiac or his kids show Ministry of Curious Stuff he was chuffing brilliant , he is also an incredible artist...what a guy.

Morecombe and Wise and Eddie Braben- I did used to watch as a kid at christmas because that is the law, but in my 20s was when my full appreciation and addiction started really.  What more needs to be said about them really, the best double act of all time and some of the best comedy writing ever from the man Eddie.

Lee and Herring- Now this is a borderline obsession.  It started back in the 90s and never stopped.  I couldn’t even begin to tell you how much love I have for these two idiots.  I have followed Herring around the country and probably paid for a good few months of his rent in ticket sales and merch.

Eddie Izzard- Because dressed to kill show made me realise that comedy was a thing you could do.  It made me understand how you could take ideas, run with them and they would be funny.  Until then I just thought comedians were magic.

I wore out 3 copies of the vhs of that show and I am onto my second dvd of it, changed my life.

Billy Connolly- Very similar reasons, Billy Bites your bum and a few other of his early shows again I wore the tapes out,  it made me realise you could tell stories about life and folk would laugh.

Red Dwarf - Just obsessed with it, as a child...and still now but don’t tell anyone will make me sound like a nerd.

Actually to any ladies reading, I work with kids, I am a good guitar player and love long walks on the beach.

Men Behaving Badly- Yes, Yes I know it has dated and the whole ladism of the 90s is played to death but it is a sodding great show and Simon Nye was at the peak of his powers for it.

Comic Strip - I picked up on it again at a foolishly early age, what a show, what a cast, just wonderful.  You can pick up the box set for like £20 just buy it (other boxsets are available)

I also adored Linda Smith.  Peacock and Gamble I fail to find words how much I love them as with Pappys, as a group they are brilliant, Tom Parry’s hour at the Mach fest in 2013 was and is one of the best hours of my life, just brilliant.  Tom Basden is amazing as well.  Have to include Python but I still haven’t forgiven them for not getting a seat to see them at the o2.

I won’t go on...but I could, I really bloody could.

Erm, bell... It's not all you mate...

Firstly, mr Moatman, thank you for the opportunity to chat today...

I grew up on some wonderful comedy, my first ever comedy idol was the very great, late Rik Mayall and Adrian Edmondson in Bottom. Around that time I also loved shows like men behaving badly, alas smith and jones, fist of fun (Lee and Herring), Harry Enfield and chums, the fast show, the day today, Alan partridge, the young ones, the office, Phoenix nights,

My favourite stand up comedians include Bill Bailey, Tim Minchin, Billy Connelly, Nina Conti, Tony Law, Alex Horne (both soon to appear in interviews), Peter Kay (sorry mike), Arthur Smith, Bill Cosby, Jimmy Carr, Harry Hill, Stewart Lee, Richard Herring, Bob Slayer, Tiff Stevenson, Alan Davies, Al Murray, Kevin Eldon, Jo Brand, Eddie Izzard, Milton jones, Frank Skinner, Lucy Porter, Jack Dee, Johnny Vegas, Mark Watson, Pippa Evans, Dave Gorman, David Baddiel.... It really is a difficult question, but I think that is a pretty reasonable list to start with. 

I tell you who I don’t like, Michael McIntyre. I think he is a hack who relies too much on over the top gesture to sell observational humour, he just doesn’t make me laugh. However I have a selection of comedians that I like and respect for different reasons. I like the comedy stylings of Doug Standhope and George Carlin because they reflect upon how rubbish people and life is in a funny way. I deeply respect early Bill Cosby standup because he made me laugh out loud during one of his stand up shows while using only one swear word (which is quite a mild word nowadays). I like Bill Bailey because of the random subject matters that pop up during his comedy set. My list goes on.

and with that the trio are being ushered out the door and onto the next exciting adventure, at the same time the recording comes to an end and flips into the previous footage of a presenter who looks suspiciously like Boff Moatman in a tweed jacket with leather elbow patches talking about tectonic shift. *the lights come back on and we're back in the room again, the CRT TV doing the weird snow effect* Ah there you are, well another interview at an end and exciting times indeed for the AhhGee Production crew, good luck at the Fringe lads! you can find out more about AhhGee at their website http://ahhgeeproductions.com/ or trawling around twitter @AhhgeeProd