The Moatman Interviews -S2- No.10 'Continental breakfast' featuring Ö (@MissingNoCent))

The Moatman Interviews has always been big on imagination and low on budget, but this week, after a minor pools win we come to you from a more luxurious destination. Yes, today's interview opens on an elderly well tanned gentlemen stood on a golden beach, surrounded by a team of short, hairy, life guards in trendy beach wear. 

Hello my darlings it's me Boff Moatman, and on tonight's 'wish you were here' it's none other than the Misschievous one herself, the enigma that is Ö. Originally born in Cyprus, before moving to the shadows of Arsenal as a small child, our intrepid explorer has not only lived in Cyprus and the UK, but also India and Bali, and now resides in the heart of the Catalan capital. Boff caught up with Ö in a local tapas bar here in Barcelona after a very reasonable package deal.....first of all my darling Ö thank you for inviting me out here to meet you, also thank you for assisting in arranging for the passports for my 'special' entourage (the Wombles aren't supposed to travel). Now I know you've lived in a lot different countries and we'll cover that in a bit more detail later on, but I wanted to begin by asking did you always have the travel bug and do you ever miss your homeland?

Well, Boff, before I answer any questions, I’d like you to know that the only reason the Wombles were allowed over is because I promised the Spanish government that they would be helping to clean the streets, so I hope they’re not going to let me down. As for the travel bug, I’ve been travelling from the age of 5 when I first went to the UK (from Cyprus) with my parents. That’s when it first bit me and mosquitos stopped biting me.

...and you've been a resident of Spain, specifically Barcelona for a while. Are there any specific things about living in Spain that differ to over places you've been?

I would say the only specific thing about Spain that differs from other places I’ve been is that most of the beaches are actually manmade. I remember living above the Café Del Mar (Ibiza) and opening the curtains after a particularly heavy thunderstorm in the middle of the night, to find the entire beach had disappeared and in its place was a huge mound of rocks!

Boff confirms that he experienced something very similar himself, after a particularly torrid thunderstorm on Wimbledon Common, Boff woke to find a pair of man's underwear and a carrier bag of empty bottles had appeared on his favourite bench. Anyway I digress, I see, and of cause you are originally from Cyprus, so how did that differ? And how were you received by the locals?

Well, I wouldn’t say the locals received me but more a case of me receiving the locals (of the male kind).

Haha, and that leads me to another question I wanted to ask, which was what have your experiences been like with the male populations of European? Any national traits?

Hmmmm, national traits of European men, let me see…I’d say a vast majority of Spanish and Greek men are short, fairly hairy, reek of garlic and adore their mothers to the point their mother will ALWAYS come before you ( Erm…not in *that* way, perish the thought!)

I also wanted to ask you about languages, living in a foreign country how quickly do you pick up the language? And any recommendations for youngsters who are learning a modern foreign language.

Languages are pretty easy to pick up if you mingle with the locals and watch local TV. I am now able to swear proficiently in 5 different languages. I don’t know any other words though ;-)

...and what have been your high points and low points of living abroad?

My highest point (literally) has to be when I went to Laddakh a mountainous region in northwest Jammu and Kashmir in north India and in the area known as the Trans-Himalaya (the lands beyond the Himalaya: Tibet, Xinjiang and northern Pakistan). That trip also contained a low point when I received a MASSIVE electric shock when I tried to turn the tap off after taking a shower. It was that bad I couldn’t let go of the tap and my friend had to come in with trainers on in order to turn it off.

I see and do you have any amusing anecdotes from some of the scrapes you've gotten into on your travels?

If you want to know about amusing anecdotes, there are a few on my blog http://misschievousone.wordpress.com/ and I plan to write some more. Just don’t laugh too much about the fact I once got my head stuck.

Perhaps now is a good time for a question not related to travel, it's clear you're loving life to the full, and from your own blog you're quite the capable writer, what do you like to do with your free-time?

I like to relax in my free time, after all, isn’t that what we’re supposed to do after a hard day’s slog? Having said that, I love cooking and I draw. Boring I know but, it makes up for the fact I like getting off my nut and making a twat of myself every other weekend. I also like having a tan, so being in the sun is a must – whether it’s the beach, pool or just walking around (which I also do a lot of).

I see, and having seen at least three European countries on a day to day basis what's your opinion of the EU and is it still working?

I can’t comment on the EU without getting angry. It’s the worst thing that happened to Cyprus, for sure and to paraphrase the Life of Brian, what has Europe ever done for us???

I see, well my sweet our interview is close to an end, so I suppose the obvious question to ask is how much longer do you see yourself living in Spain, and where next takes your fancy?    

I don’t have any plans to go anywhere anytime soon but, who knows what tomorrow will bring. 
 
Finally, the less obvious question would be how do you sneak three wombles out of a Tapas bar who may have substituted the paella for something far less desirable. 

That’s easy, dress them in women’s clothes, teach them Greek and they’ll pass as a few old Greek ladies, moustaches and all ;-)

..and on that bombshell, Boff is off to enjoy a glorious sunset with Ö, provided they can smuggle the Wombles out unseen, don't order the soup. Ö can be found living la vida loca on twitter or catch more of her exploits at http://misschievousone.wordpress.com/