The Moatman Interviews -S2- No.9 'Transatlantic' featuring @NicolePolar

The camera opens on an elderly man wearing some garish flannel pyjamas and surrounded by stuffed toys (not including the odd womble or two). Boff and the wombles are tremendously excited as today they've been invited to a pyjama sleep over. The wombles have only ever been to one sleep over before and to be fair that was more of an illegal rave in a field where a dubious Jarvis cocker look-a-like tried to sell Uncle Bulgaria some of his magic sherbet. Today's affair is far nicer and more hygienic, in fact it's the first time Boff has been in a girl's bedroom in quite a while. Sitting patiently across from Boff on a huge bed is @nicolepolar wearing her own exciting set of pyjamas.

Yes, today's interview is a sleep over! I've got a bag of marshmallows and my teddy, and more importantly today's guest has let the wombles and I into her boudoir (she'll regret that later I think), we'll be playing twister and spin the bottle in a bit but first lets get this interview underway... Hello Nicole! and thank you for inviting us to a sleep over, I hope your dog doesn't like the taste of wombles. We'll be getting to the party games in a while but first lets begin with a question to help our readers get to know you. What five words would you use to describe yourself? and what is your defining memory of your youth?

Loyal, kind, goofy, hopeful, and a nerd. There was always a lot of shenanigans. If it was my therapist asking, I would say my parents' divorce, but since you're not, I'll share a tale of shenanigans. We once lived in a house with a smaller house attached to one side of it (like a duplex). The roof of the smaller house landed right underneath a window in the room I shared with middle little (sister). We were always out on that roof. Sometimes it was in fun, but often because I had pushed my Mother just a little too far, and she was coming to whoop me. One day I said or did something awful, and she came up those stairs full sprint. Middle little and I struggled in vain to get that damn window open. As soon as we managed to get it lifted a few inches, I was trying like hell to shove her through it, and ended up putting her ass through the window. Thankfully, she was wearing jeans, so the damage to her was minimal, but that window was in pieces. I will never forget the horrified look on my Mother's face. My ass still hurts from that whooping.

Damn! sounds to me like in the case of ass versus window the judge sided with the plaintiff. I must admit growing up I got a few tanned bottoms myself. My father (the fourth Earl of Biddulph, Staffordshire) was quite strict on discipline, particularly the rule about not straying from the path while up on the moors.  Now of cause, you also have two sisters, so I wanted to ask what were you like as teenagers? were you mischievous? or well behaved? and how did your dad cope with a house full of women?

Well, if I was told to go to my room, I went. If middle little was told to go to her room, she'd leave to go to a friend's house. If little was told to go to her room, you'd have to wait for her to come home first. I think that all things considered, I was relatively well behaved. I was always in trouble for basically destroying the kitchen. I've always been obsessed with cooking and baking, and I would make these horrific messes, and sometimes completely inedible recipes, as I perfected my technique. There was once an epic game of street hockey where a pan of my brownies were used as pucks. As for my father he went fishing. A lot. Eventually my parents got a divorce.

Oh no, that's so sad, I'm so sorry to hear that. Brownies are one of the higher order of biscuits, using them ice hockey pucks is such a tragic waste, and of cause also that your parents parted, that's always difficult for families as a whole. Aside from your parents, growing up were you apart of any scenes? I myself was a Hippie, Glam rocker and new romantic (over the course of about 9 months in 1982) what about you? were there any rahrah skirts and big hair?

Not really. I mean, there were a few bad hair (and clothing) decisions in there, but I never subscribed to any particular movement. My sisters were (and continue to be) far more trendy than myself.

*At this point Wellington and Bungo come marching into the room with a copy of twister under their arms and insist we join them in a game*. Alright, okay, Nicole left hand yellow, right foot red... Now coming back to grown up Nicole, I know you're a 'Lupus Fighter', which we'll come to in a moment, but I'm a big believer that a medical condition shouldn't define the person, so I'd like to ask you what you get up to? What does a typical day include for Nicole and what passions are close to your heart?

Every day is different, because my day functions around my energy level for that day. When I have the energy, I prefer to get out of the house to do something fun, but there is always housework to do, so I try to be mindful of that too. As for passions close to my heart, I think you already know Cooking and baking. Always.

At this point Boff apes the Cookie Monster and rubs his tummy. Boff and the wombles are all big fans of cookies, or biscuits as they're called in England. The Bourbon being a big personal favourite, ripe for dunking in cups of tea on the lawn while watching the joggers go round and round... ahem... park life. ...anyway, lets not get distracted, on with the game...okay, left foot yellow, right hand blue... *mmm impressive*... Okay, so now I'd like to ask you a question about Lupus, what is it like living with Lupus? and what strategies have you developed to help make life easier?

Lupus feels like the first day after a stomach flu or a bad hangover has subsided. You feel better than you did, but still tired, achy, foggy-headed, and a little bit nauseous. In coping I've learned when to ask for help. I am still working on everything else. Haha.

*With a free hand Nicole spins the wheel - Left hand yellow left foot red. Boff squirms into position* ...Bit breathless here, does my beard count as a limb? wait that's not an interview question. Okay, I know you like your family movies, you visited the polar express with your niece and sisters (see left). I wanted to ask what's your favourite movie and why?

My favorite movie is The Wizard of Oz. Always. There were many times in my life I wanted to escape to Oz by tornado or clicking my heels together three times.

*Bungo (who's wearing his TMNT onesie) spins the wheel - right hand blue,  right foot red. Boff squirms some more* Oh come on now, this is not a natural position for anyone!? never let it be said that I've let a game of twister distract me from the serious business of interviewing. So where were we? Well, that's an interesting view, ahem, sorry err. Nicole, I wanted to ask you about travel if you could visit Europe, which country would you go to and what sights would you like to see?

Why Boffy, I would like to come visit you! You would make the very best tour guide! Aside from that, I would love to go to The Louvre (in Paris, France) some day. I love art and art history. 

*Both Boff and Nicole collapse* Damn! I'm rubbish at party games, still you have to admit for a man in his 60s I'm still pretty limber. Okay, so how about a question regarding party games, what's your favourite party game and why? any amusing stories you can tell us?

Cards Against Humanity is pretty fantastic. That game makes me laugh to the point of tears. Have you ever played? It's vulgar, wrong, and delicious.

For the unanointed 'cards against humanity' is a card game for family and friends where people take turns to ask a question from a black card, and then the respondee has to choose an answer from a set of responses on a white card. The responses are suitably vulgar and wrong to bring amusement to all around. Personally I'd like to ask Wellington what he makes of Bungo's choice in Pyjamas. Before he came out this evening Bungo thought he looked well shat-plank in his teenage mutant ninja turtles onesie, but seeing him here in a girl's bedroom wearing it just makes him look a bit like a creepy intruder. Still, I digress...

Well we're almost done and I haven't asked you a wombles question yet, what do you make of them? I should apologise in advance by the way as I think they've already eaten the contents of your fridge.

Well, you know I love all animals and characters.

Well, that's the interview just about done, although we'll be staying up late here having midnight feasts (glad I brought that bag of marshmallows now the Wombles have cleaned the place out), I'd like to finish by asking you a sensible question, if you could leave us with one piece of advice to guide us through a happy life? what would it be? Mine's don't squeeze the toothpaste in the middle, because it goes everywhere.

Don't waste your life waiting for that one thing or that one person that you think is going to make your life awesome. Be your own awesome. Life waits for no one.

...and on that sage advice we'll leave you all there. Nicole, the wombles and I are going to stay up late watching the polar express and having pillow fights, provided we don't wake the neighbours and we'll see you again next week for another intrepid adventure into a twitterer's tales.

The Moatman Interviews -S2- No.8 'kitty pride' featuring @FelineFancies1

*This week's camera opens on a beautiful lavender garden on a hot summers day. Unfortunately when our host learned that he would be getting to interview 'the cat woman' this week, he got the wrong end of the stick and became very excited. After disappearing into town for several hours he returned triumphant having acquired a 'batman' costume ala Adam West. It wasn't until we sat him down and explained that by 'cat woman' we meant today's guest runs a cat sanctuary that the penny dropped. A crestfallen Boff still in Batman guise minus the cowl sits opposite this week's showbiz guest, who's wearing a baseball hat with faux cat ears (to make him feel better) and sipping a pina colada. Yes, this week's guest is a former west midlands lass who moved to the bright lights big city of Canada, and runs a cat sanctuary for down on their luck kitties. 

Hello my darlings! we've gone all Alfresco to make the most of the summer before the rain starts, today I'm joined by an ex-pat (not in the Eastenders sense) who has something of a feline persuasion, yes, today's guest is @felinefancies1 all the way from Vancouver Canada.

Thank you so much for joining us today, I do hope the trip across on Womble Airways was okay and that you're not too jet-lagged. I have several questions for you to help us get to know you better and I promise not to use the P word (oooh Mrs Slocombe!). Firstly, I wanted to ask how do you end up running a home for special need cats? and how many cats have you got?

I have five and I take in cats with various medical complaints because nobody else wants them. Life is life no matter how long you have left. 

*Boff wipes a tear from his eye* that's a beautiful sentiment, I also found myself down on my luck in 1989 when a failed stint as a roady for Status Quo left me without job and home. Fortunately I found the wombles who took me and trained me up. As they say, keep Britain tidy, and where there's muck there's brass etc. 

anyway I digress, looking after sick and out of luck cats sounds like a lot of work, but it must be very rewarding too. Have you always loved animals? and did you have any exotic pets as a child?

I have always loved animals and as a matter of fact I did have a tortoise. That's about as exotic as it got in Birmingham in my childhood. 

...indeed, the Wombles are like my pets really, except that they can talk, and have opposable thumbs, and boss me around. Would you ever considering opening a home for Wombles? Uncle Bulgaria is getting on a bit?

I have enough cat fur to deal with without adding Womble fur to that. *At this point Feline produces a brush from her handbag and gives Boff a quick combing to demonstrate just how much fluff you can collect sat in your back garden under shade. 

blimey, thanks, and what about music? Bungo's love of Drum n Bass is well documented on the blog, and we've seen your Duran Duran pictures, I wanted to ask do you ever do any kind of jazzercise classes for your cats? It's kind of a dream I had once.

My youngest cat has bouts of the flying red horse and does a late night circuit class around our home using furniture as obstacles to leap over. Its too fast for rest of us to join in. 

Anyway! enough of the cat part of your life, I wanted to ask you some non-cat related questions too. So if you're know as the 'Cat Woman', does that mean you're dating the 'Bat man'? (Boff gestures to his own costume) Is there a Joker in your life?

There is a Joker around here somewhere but usually its best to ignore. *Boff's crime fighting ears prick up at this point and he orders Wellington and Orinoco to do a sweep of the garden for any master criminals lurking in the flower beds*

I see, and of cause you were born and raised in dear old blighty before leaving for Canada, was it strange being in a new country and did you miss Britain? what were those early days like?

I landed on the East Coast of Canada first in bitter cold conditions but only stayed a couple of years before heading to West Coast and much more relaxed lifestyle. It was like another planet the first few weeks.

..and do you have any amusing stories about setting up the cat home in those early days? any scrapes or odd goings on?

There are oddities every day around here. One of my first senior rescue cats did choir practise at 3 AM every day. I'd never wanted to kill a cat before then. I didn't of course. *Boff sympathises, Bungo often regales the whole household with his urban dance beats at all hours of the day and night*

Indeed, and of cause you can take the girl out of Britain, but can you take Britain out of the girl? Are there any specific things you miss about the old country?

No you can't take the Brum outta the girl! I miss Marks and Spencers underwear. Oops I think I was supposed to say family. *Boff blushes*

how, err, interesting, and what about Canada, what are your highlights about living in Vancouver? would you recommend any of our readers pay Canada a visit in the future?

Vancouver is a delight! Relaxing and beautiful beaches and mountains.

Well my darling, our interview is almost at a close, there's still plenty of booze left and I promise to top up your sun cream in a moment, but as a final question I wanted to ask you about cat nip. Do cats really go mad for it? and have you ever used it for nefarious purposes?

Nip is the drug of choice in this home for now. Although too much of it and we all become combative. *sounds like strong stuff to me*

outstanding, well my darling that's it! our interview is completed and I even made it through the whole thing without saying pussy once.

The Moatman Interviews -S2- No.7 'Having a laugh with Anthony Rodden' featuring @RoddenEnderby

*The camera opens on Boff Moatman looking incognito wearing a smart suit with his beard neatly combed* Hello dear friends, today's interview has taken on something of a James Bond theme. I've traveled 'over the river' in a rickshaw to meet today's very special guest in a South London pub. As you may have guested I don't travel south of the river much so am doing my best to blend in. Today's guest is due to meet me here at 1pm sharp to discuss his mission for world domination. He'll be one wearing the yellow daffodil in his lapel. Boff patiently sups a furry pint of mild in an empty pub save for two old boys playing dominoes by the window. Then at just before 1pm the door blows open with a creak and leaves and dust blow into the pub. Boff straightens his suit and hair before commenting to the landlord that it's blowing a fair old gale out there. Turning back to his pint he notices a tall hirsute stranger to his right, with a daffodil in his lapel! Yes, it's International man of mystery Anthony Rodden, here to tell us about his adventures in comedy and standup! 

Anthony, hello! and thank you for joining me today. I have plenty of questions for you, lets start with a nice cold drink. What's your preferred choice of poison? and what's the oddest drink or combination of drinks you've ever had?

Hello Boff! Thank you for having me at this conceptual dive of yours. Very swish indeed! I received your brown envelope behind the flowerbed as you requested, however I wish that you gave me some warning in regards to the volatile nature of the message. I gave some poor bugger a heart attack! A drink would be a fine social lubricator! My usual poison is either a gin and lemonade if I’m feeling spiritual, or a Pendle Witches Brew if I’m feeling like a bitter bastard!

The strangest drink that I have ever had isn’t strange per se, but I bloody well felt strange once I drank it. It was a ‘Brugal 151’, which is rum from the Dominican Republic that is unsurprisingly illegal in this country, but spies will be spies. It is 75.5% proof and is the only drink that I have ever had which has made the room spin around. Never again.

haha brilliant, now, I want to ask you about comedy. You've started along the heady world of the stand-up comic. So I wanted to ask what inspired you to want to do stand up?

Yeah, I started comedy a little while ago. I’ve only done two gigs, so whether I can call myself a comedian is up for debate, but I have started now and I have no intention of stopping yet. I’d have to say that initially it was friends and family that inspired me to do so, as they have often said how I should go on stage and do some stuff, but I never really bought what they were saying because they’re my friends and so they’ve had longer to get used to who I am rather than total strangers who have come specifically to see someone who will make them laugh. 

My main comedic inspiration would be Peter Cook who I first saw on one of the Secret Policaman’s Balls when I was a young child and found myself kicking my legs in joy during the coal miner sketch. Cook just demonstrated to me that you can really perform comedy in such a peculiar way that is hilarious to the point that it is delivered with stern seriousness. As I got older, I heard the Derek and Clive albums, and his conversations with Chris Morris (I came across the 2001 Brass Eye special when I was in primary school at the time and that also had a tremendous influence on me). There are several influences that I can name; however, Cook was defiantly the first for me. 

...and what was your first 'gig' like? were you scared? and what was it like when you were up there? You beat the Frog is that right?

My first gig was absolutely terrifying! I went to The Frog and Bucket in Preston to lose my virginity, and I lasted the whole five minutes (which may seem like a short amount of time, but once you’re up there, there is no concept of time at all). 

I went on my own as my girlfriend had some work to do and so I was even more terrified when I was up there. Before I went on the stage, I could feel tremendous pressure pushing down on my chest and I was beginning to feel a full blown fit of anxiety. 

Once I got on the stage, I was still terrified, but I found comfort in the fact that the light was so bright that I couldn’t see anybody and so it felt as though I was completely alone. 

When I finished my set, my girlfriend was next to the stage cheering and I couldn’t contain myself at all, it was like I was on drugs. She came down to surprise me and it bloody well worked. I feel that nerves are tremendous for performance and the minute you stop having them is the day to pack up and do something else. It was truly a wonderful experience.

As a fellow beard wearer, I often get folks shouting 'hello Gandalf' at me, you yourself have something of a more biblical visage. I'm keen to know how you handle heckles when people shout 'Alright Jesus' at you?

Haha! Yeah, I get called Jesus a hell of a lot when I am walking around, but it is a cross that you have to bear if you have long hair and a beard. I’ve yet to reach the rank of Gandalf, and I must admit that he is the superior magical character of the two. How do I deal with it? Well, I used to absolutely hate it, but now, not so much. If I see a group mentioning it to one another in front of me then I defuse it by walking towards them with my arms stretched out. I’ve occasionally offered my forgiveness, but if I notice that they also look like somebody, then I would highlight that also. Sometimes they laugh, sometimes they don’t. I do wear flares from time to time, and some kid once pointed and said ‘Look at this guy with the Jimmy Saville Pants’… The boy in question was wearing a tracksuit. 

...in a related question, have you ever been tempted to go into any well known banks and open an account in the name of Jesus?

You know, I haven’t until now but I will certainly consider doing so. When I walk past preachers in the street, I do have to fight the urge from snatching the bible from their hands, getting my pen out and asking ‘Who would you like this out to?’ I guess that’s just the devil on my shoulder.

...now I'd like to ask where you get your comedy ideas from? are you a people watcher like me?

I get a lot of my ideas from watching people. Someone once said that life is the strangest thing that you will ever do, and it is certainly one of the strangest things to observe. It is often wonderful when you’re walking down a street and you hear a snippet of a conversation. It is like a little window into the private affairs of others. 

But I also get a lot of inspiration from how people react to me when I am out and about. It is a difficult thing to isolate where my ideas come from, as they can just fire across my synapses when I’m walking around. There is nothing wrong with making yourself laugh, and it is about time that people stopped feeling ashamed of doing so, as I feel it is the first step in making others chuckle. 


...that's interesting, do you have any amusing anecdotes from being in a supermarket? That's where all the best people watching takes place. In many ways a person in a supermarket surmises all human behaviour.

I completely agree with you about supermarkets. They are a hive of all things human, and to place people in that unnatural environment can truly reflect their nature entirely. There was one time when I observed a chap having a disagreement with a self-service machine. Literally, he was screaming ‘How can there be a fucking unexpected item in the bagging area, when I pissing placed it there!’ One of the members of staff had to come over like an orderly and instruct him on the best way to resolve the issue. I truly felt for this individual, and he received my sympathy as well as some degree of amusement. 

...and what about family? do you have any good anecdotes about family? any father - son stories or the time your embarrassing uncle got drunk on egg-nog and showed nan his 'scar'?

I have a couple of anecdotes about my late, Great Grandfather. I never met the man, however I feel a natural affinity towards him. He was a very strange man and enjoyed playing practical joke on the children of the neighbourhood. 

There was one story that I heard which I will keep alive until the day I die, and that is that he had a tree in his garden which he hung exotic fruit onto, such as pineapples, lemons, kiwis and the like. Children would walk past and marvel at Mr Ellison’s tree whilst he stood by and chuckled. When he was a child, he and two others were tasked with painting a fence green. They came across a pig, and naturally, the pig received the same treatment. 

...hahah brilliant, and what about the future? what does the next couple of weeks have in store for Anthony? anything exciting coming up?

There isn’t much on for me in the next two weeks. I had a gig in July and likely more lined up so I’ll be doing some writing and practicing for them. Other than that, just enjoy the sun whenever possible. 

Finally as we're doing the spy thing and meeting up incognito I'd like to ask what kind of James Bond you'd be? and what kind of gadgets would you insist on having?

I am a huge fan of James Bond, and so this is a harder question to answer than it seems. I guess that I’d be more like 009, the chap who is dressed as a clown and gets a knife thrown in his back in ‘Octopussy’ (not all 00’s lead the lifestyle of Bond).  My gadget of choice would probably be a tooth implant from Q branch so that I become more interesting in conversations. Thank you very much for interviewing me, Boff. This has been really enjoyable. The pigeon flies northwards other St. Petersburg. 

...and with that Anthony purchases a bag of pork scratchings and some bacon frazzles for the journey and heads for the door. Then on a spur he spins and shouts 'think fast' throwing the pork scratchings to Boff before disappearing out the door into the gale. "Boff sighs and whispers under his breath, 'what a guy'". Anthony can be found whizzing around twitter on a unicycle and at his website 'http://www.deskcafe.co.uk/'. you can also see the fabled Frog and Bucket gig as well as other stand up routines on youtube at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TLbjGfbESAQ

The Moatman Interviews -S2- No.6 'Agricultural pastimes' featuring @JournoLizF

This week's Moatman Interview has taken on more of a rural feeling, with our special guest inviting Boff up to her farm. Unfortunately, despite living on Wimbledon Common, Boff has learnt all he knows about farming based on old episodes of Emmerdale and the Fast Show. This explains the rather unusual choice of deer-stalker hat and monocle. For the first part of the morning Boff wandered about in the lower field waving a Shepherd's cane above his head and directly the Wombles to find anything that looked like a cow. It wasn't until our guest, Liz Falkingham, went down and rescued him that we could get things underway.

Back at the the farmhouse having been suitable refreshed with cups of tea and jam on toast the wombles are taking a nap, while Liz prepares to answer what ever random and bizarre questions Boff might have dreamed up this time.
Hello! dear friends, today myself and the Wombles are down on the farm *adjusts deer-stalker*. In truth I've not been to a farm before but today's guest has assured me that she will take good care of us. Yes, today's guest knows a thing or two about country life, it's Liz Falkingham

Hello Liz, and thank you so much for inviting me down to your farm, myself and the wombles are tremendously excited to be here. I guess working on a farm must be a lot of hard work, so I'd like to ask you first of all what does a typical day hold for you? and when do you have to get up?

I’m up at 6.45am but my husband, who is the proper farmer, usually gets up at 6am – earlier if there are cows calving. I’m not sure there is ever a typical day on a farm, particularly if you have livestock, but at the moment our cows and calves are out at grass so the day starts with checking them. Then there are some finishing bulls and the last of the calvers to be fed and bedded at the farm, before field work starts. That can be anything from cutting grass, turning and baling for silage to applying sprays or fertiliser to crops. I also run a small livery yard at the farm, plus have a PR/freelance writing business to fit in as well!

that does sound exhausting and in terms of farm animals, which is best? cows or pigs? or chickens, and are they all very noisy? Personally I once got attacked by a goose that chased me across Wimbledon Common and it was very noisy indeed!

We only have beef cattle, despite my repeated requests for some pigs and sheep! Pigs can be noisy – there’s a pig unit near here and you can hear the sows yelling for their feed at certain times of the day, and don’t even get me started on the smell… We have suckler cows – mostly Hereford and Aberdeen Angus crosses from dairy cows. We cross these with our Stabiliser bulls and then rear the resulting calves. I must admit I do love beef cattle, especially the Hereford crosses – they are gentle and inquisitive, and have a beauty all their own.

*At this point Boff decides to regale Liz with his own adventures in keeping Wombles, who can also be quite noisy and smelly, except for Madame Cholet who is always turned out immaculately* I do love a good cow but they're big buggers, I should imagine that alongside all the hard work farm life must be rewarding too. What's the best bit about being a farmer?

I never get tired of seeing calves born; it is an everyday miracle, every time. I don’t know any livestock farmer who doesn’t feel that way, despite what the animal rights’ fanatics might tell you. There’s also unmatchable joy to walking through a healthy crop on a spring day, with skylarks above you and hares bounding in front. On a sunny day on the Yorkshire Wolds, there’s no place else you could wish to be.

That does sound beautiful actually, very peaceful, in the city it's just a manic blur of people, particularly on the underground at rush hour, which is also noisy and smelly. Anyway, I digress, as a city boy I'd like to ask some questions that I'm sure my readers would love to know the answer too, so first of all do you ever get used to the country 'air' and is it genuinely better for you than city air?

Having never lived in a city, I’m not sure I can answer that objectively, although I can’t imagine car fumes are good for anyone! We live close to the coast, so on certain days there’s a salty tang in the air which is delicious. I also love the smell of freshly-mown grass at silaging time – it takes me straight back to my childhood, of course, there are other country smells which I can’t say I love – pig or chicken muck being spread would probably top that list!

... I see and what about tractors? do you have tractor races with other farmers? and do you ever take it into town when popping to the supermarket? If I did own a tractor I can think of several buildings fit for muck spreading.

Ah, tractor races! Well, not me personally, but I have heard of it happening – usually followed by reports of a load of straw bales tipped over or a severe b*llocking from the police. Most tractors don’t do much above 25mph other than ones like JCB Fastracs, so they’re not really designed for racing and, if you’re small like me, any bumps send you bouncing off the seat like a ragdoll.

Yes, I’ve stopped in town before now – usually for fish and chips when we’re working late stacking bales in the summer. Funnily enough, people tend not to argue about parking spaces when you’re driving a tractor.

Indeed, and now a topical question, how has being in the EU affected you as a farmer? do you have to make sure your bananas are EU regulation shape and size? Personally I don't mind a bendy banana so long as it still fits in my lunch box.

Most farmers will tell you the EU means red tape and regulations – which national governments either embellish further (in our case) or ignore at will (Italy and France spring to mind!) Of course, it also brings benefits – despite the furore about immigrants, large sectors of the UK farming industry would be crippled without migrant workers.

I see, and I know on your farm you run a mixture of arable and pastoral with beef cows, if you could have a new 'animal' or crop to add to the mix what would you go for? for example what about ostrich I hear they're quite popular and the eggs are massive!

The ostrich thing happened a while ago in UK farming – I wouldn’t be keen, nor on other exotics, to be honest. I do have a hankering for pigs but my husband gets a mulish expression on his face at the mere mention, so it’s not likely to happen. Money trees would be nice – know where I can get any saplings?

*Boff laughs out loud* When Wellington was quite young and less streetwise he did ask whether it was true that money grew on trees, something he'd overheard the grown-ups saying. Uncle Bulgaria being a scamp said 'oh yes' of cause, we have an orchard of money trees just across the common. It did however back fire when Uncle Bulgaria discovered the money jar (*actually it's the swear jar, because Bungo is a foul mouthed little so and so) missing, and then found Wellington in the backgarden burying handfuls of small change in the hope that it could start his own orchard of money trees. 

Now tell me, after all of that hard work what does a country lass like yourself do to unwind of an evening?

I have a gundog puppy I’m training at the moment, so I do some work with her. I’m also chief homework helper for my son, so there’s usually a stint sat round the kitchen table. Other than that, you can’t beat a soak in a hot bath with a glass of wine and a good book. Anything else I get up to isn’t fit for print, I’m afraid.

*Hahah must be the country air!* so what advice would you give to any budding young farmers thinking of getting into the farming industry?

Don’t be put off by outdated ideas of what farming is all about – in the UK, agriculture is a high tech, forward-thinking industry with lots of opportunities for young people. Getting your own farm is very challenging, there’s no doubt, but there will always be jobs for those who want to work on the land or in one of the many ancillary industries. You don’t have to come from a farming background either – we had an apprentice who came to us from working in a care home; he had literally never been on a farm, but by the end of his time with us, he was driving tractors, calving cows and participating fully.

Thank you Liz, I think that's a wonderful message, as a city boy myself I've already learnt so much today, and not even a Dingle in sight, which is a bit of a relief actually. Well it's been a lovely day and we've had a chance to see some real sights and sounds, so thank you again for showing us around. We have just enough time to ask one final question before we wrap up today's interview, so I would like to ask you do you think a Womble would make a good stable hand for your farm?

Hey, if you can hold a brush, there’s always straw to be swept up. In fact, if you step this way, I’ve got just the job for you….

.....and with that today's interview comes to a close, hopefully Liz won't work Boff and the Wombles too hard, although some of them could do with some toughening up, and to burn off all the jam and toast they got through earlier.