The Moatman Interviews -S4- No.5 'East of Oxford' Featuring @JenniHarris4

*The camera opens on a busy bistro on the banks of the River Cam as people pop in on their way home from work; the glorious late summer sun streaking pinks and reds across the sky, as swans and ducks swim down the river alongside the bistro. The gentle chitter chatter of folk as they walk down the tow-path to call in to indulge in an early dinner or the fine array of puddings on display.*

Now today's guest has already arrived, seated at a little round table next to the river, glamorously dressed, with stylish sun glasses and chilled glass of wine in her hand waiting for Boff to arrive. Unfortunately Boff is no where to be seen, fifteen minutes pass, and then another fifteen as the air starts to grow a little chilly and the sun heads for bed.

Then in the distance a commotion can be heard, the sound of shouting, and then in the distance a ball of white hair, mixed in with balls of smaller brown and grey hair hurrying down the tow-path. At some point this puffing and wheezing ball of fluff collides with a cyclist who ends up in the river. After a Womble rescue mission taking several more minutes, the rosy cheeked somewhat more clammy than usual demeanour of  Boff Moatman hoves into full view.

Oh I'm so sorry, we didn't realise the train station was so far away, hail fellows! and welcome to another Moatman Interview, today's guest is a lady with true class, an Anglian beauty, that supports her home town team (Stevenage FC), a teacher and recently inked dame with a heart of gold, it's none other than Jenni Harris! "Oh Boff, I thought you'd stood me up for a moment there, look at the state of you, *signals to waiter to bring a pint of cold ale* lets get you calmed down, are these your Wombles?" *Wellington hops up on to the chair next to Jenni* Oh I thought my lungs were going to burst, I'm so sorry, What have you been up to in Cambridge since you arrived?

I love everything about Cambridge!! The academia, the history, the architecture.. its beautiful. Kings College is the jewel in the crown. I've just been wandering around the cobbled streets and soaking up the resonnances of days gone by....and vodka..plenty of vodka.

*Jenni pulls a twig out of Boff's beard, before rummaging in her handbag to take out a couple of small bags of haribo for the Wombles* oh I wish I'd arrived sooner now :D. Now I know we're out fine dining in Cambridge today, but you hail from slightly further south don't you? How would you describe Stevenage to my dear readers out there? is it a place close to your heart?

A huge contrast!! My family is infact an 'Old Stevenage' family. We were here way before the concrete prefab buildings and carbuncles built to accommodate the oiks that spilled over from London in the late '40's early 50's. The first 'New Town' once sparkled like a beacon of a new exciting future.. unfortunately 60yrs on it is a run down, characterless dump. Full of chavs and shell suits....and I'm incredibly proud to say..boasts a 97p shop amongst the plethera of £1 shops. #classy

*Orinoco pipes up at this point to ask what a '97p shop' is?* Jenni gives him a playful tweak of his cheek and says that if he's well behaved for the rest of the interview she'll take him to see for himself, of cause provided that he brings exact change for any items he should wish to purchase.

hahahaha and of cause you support Stevenage Town Football Club, how did you end up supporting the local team? and has it been a rollercoaster journey of ups and downs?

Ahhh...yes. My beloved Stevenage FC!! The powers that be, may have rebranded it when we finally attained our football league status..but we stalwarts will always know it as 'Boro'. Many, many ups over the last 10 or so years.. cup upsets like beating Norwich, Newcastle, pushing Spurs to a replay and taking the lead at White Hart Lane..giving Everton a scare. Winning our Lge 2 promotion playoff at Old Trafford!! #sigh #happydays ...and of course being the first team to lift a trophy at the new Wembley Stadium!! (We've played there 3 times you know ..2 wins and a loss).. Our little team, with an average home gate of 3k, are always punching above our weight. Tinpot and proud of our non- lge roots x

ahhh tin pot and proud as you say :D I do love a good footy match, although I must admit since Wimbledon relocated to Milton Keynes, the quality of football on offer on the Common is less exciting. These days they seem to hold the matches at night, in the woods, and you have to have a car to go and watch, not my sort of thing at all, anyway, of cause you teach a reception year class at school, do you regale your little ones with the fine exploits of Stevenage Town FC??

Oh, indeedy!! Children need to be schooled in football related knowledge ....especially with teams like Luton (bleurch) nearby.

hahahahaha, yes the dreaded Luton! eeek~! I also wanted to ask you how do you think Wombles compare to small children, other than being about the same sort of size and interest in shiny things?

*Orinoco looks up longing mid-mini-fried egg to hear Jenni's answer*

I think Wombles are hairier and more furry...but little children are smellier and far more dangerous.

*Orinoco satisfied with the answer resumes eating, while Jenni strokes the top of his head* Mmmm seems like a reasonable answer. I have as much trouble getting them to do their homework though, so there are similarities I suppose. Now, moving on to a different topic,  I wanted to ask you some questions about tattoos, you recently got your first? was it a spare of the moment thing or had you always wanted one?

Yep..I have a mandala on my chest just under my left collar bone. Tattoos are hot tho aren't they? I've always found them very attractive, some are just like beautiful works of art. I never thought I'd have one myself. Then I got to a 'certain age' and thought 'bugger it'... A bit of a mid-life crisis, if you will.

I see and what was it like getting it done? did hurt? will there be more planned?

No..didn't hurt a bit. The guys at Style on Skin in Stevenage are lovely, and it was a pleasant experience all round. Yeah...it's very addictive!! I have an appointment next week to have one in the middle of my back! #rebel #inkedJen

Goodness! that sounds quite extravagent, I must admit I do like the idea of the pretty designs, less so the ideal of having red hot needles jabbed into my skin :D *Jenni reassures Boff that it's completely painless, just make sure that you follow the after care instructions properly*

*At this point Bungo who has been uncharacteristically quiet, pipes up that he would get a skull and cross-bones tattoo on his chest, because he's extra tough, but can't really do tattoos on account of the body hair*

hahahah indeed Bungo, and I can imagine what the tattoo artist would say if he saw you strolling in through the door. Anyway, on with the interview, Jenni, I also wanted to ask you about dating, what's the most stupid chat-up line/ daftest way that a gent has asked you out for a drink??

Ahhh...Boffy, bless you!! You're assuming I do get asked out for drinks!! This is sadly not the case...soooo...any offers??? #hehe x

Bungo at this point decides to offer up his own chat-up line I suspect he invented only a few seconds, ago, ahem, "Are you any good at Maths? Its just I'm having difficulty trying to work out if you like me or not", *Jenni blushes and bops Bungo on the nose*, these Wombles are quite cheeky aren't they Boff.

They are! you have to watch them at all times or they run amok, anyway continuining on the same theme have you ever been on a blind date? and if not, would you ever dare to go on one? I think Wellington has rather taken a shine to you there :D

Nope, never been on a blind date either..Wellington is a distinct possibility!! ;)) x Typical though..I rather fancy his mate Orinoco. His nose looks like a piece of pizza with an olive at the end. Have you noticed??

*Now Orinoco blushes, and hides his nose but sticking his face in a paper cup* Ahem, you see to have a new friend there :D *At this point Bungo tries to intervene by showing off his biceps and offering Orinoco and Jenni to an arm wrestling contest* maybe in a bit sweetie, I cant arm wrestle and hold a glass of wine at the same time replies Jenni.

*nicely dodged whispers Boff* So away from school and the razzle dazzle, you're also a mum yourself, so I wanted to ask what's the sweetest thing your son has said/done for mother's day?

My son is a bloody typical Capricorn, as emotionally expressive as a brick!! I get a card if I'm lucky

N'awwwww bless him, well we're also done, and I've just about caught my breath again. So perhaps I could end with one final question about food. If the Wombles and I were to visit again, what speciality dish would you cook for us? and why?

 would make you my very own lentil and tomato soup. I knit it myself you know 😆 xxx

 *Boff bursts out laughing at this*, well having finally made it to the venue and now with a glass of something cold in hand, Boff and Jenni decide to stay on and have a look at the desert menu, the Wombles however have decided to investigate the river some more, particularly the ducks. Join us next week for another installment.