After a few more blocks the Thunderbird swings into a parking lot of a fast food takeaway, My sharona blaring from the stereo, allowing us to get a closer look at the gettaways. It's none other than Boff Moatman and his guest, both dressed up like Thelma and Louise for god only knows what reason.
Hail fellows! it's me Boff Moatman, now, you may very well ask what on earth is going on, and quite right too, well. As my darling guest has pointed out to me you only live once, so why not dress up as Thelma and Louise and race across country for, well, who needs a what for, Burt Reynolds didn't when he did the Cannon Ball run, and Clint Eastwood didn't when he was traveling across country with an Orangutan. So yes, here we are at a drive-through to get pick up while we work our way down the Santa Fe trail, trying to beat the Wombles in a daring race across the USA. Now then, who might be in the driving seat. A devil may care dame, with bright ambitions and fierce hair, yes it's the darling Popper!
Well, my darling I must admit sitting in the passenger seat dressed up like Nora Batty, while you drive across country is both exhilarating and terrifying in equal measure, so I guess I should start this interview by asking where on earth did you learn to drive like this?
*Popper takes a bite of her chilli ranch burger before answering, looks at her painted finger nails and then casually says* Running from Mexican drug cartels across the desert. I was a fab smuggler. Did I mention the stash of illegal stash of tab clear in the boot of the car? If you're good I'll cut you in for a slice of the action.
I see, well, that's reassuring thank you, although I'm a little long in the tooth to get involved in a smuggling ring now :D, anyway to help my readers get to know you a little better if we made a movie of your life, who would play you? and what genre of movie would it be? what would happen in it?
I’d be played by the late Vivien Leigh. We share the same stability level. The movie would be called “Desert Rose,” and it would take place in the Sonoran Desert. I’d be a lonely cactus farmer looking for love and finding it in my farmhand Josue, a tall Mexican beauty played by Antonio Banderas. There would be many, many sex scenes. *Popper smiles to herself as she imagines it now* you can be the dude that gets shot in the first scene if you want Boff.
I would love that thank you, I think, and if you could have one super power, what would it be? and would you use it for good or evil?
The power to make people do whatever I wanted them to do. Like run into traffic, give me flowers, hug me, or set themselves on fire. The concept of good and evil is anachronistic, don't you think? *Seeing that Boff looks a little troubled by her answer Popper reassures Boff by adding* Don't worry Boff I'd be nice to you, I'd only make you do fun stuff like punching churchy types.
*Boff laughs out loud* well, now you're a bit of a self-confessed crazy girl, which I love, so I wanted to ask what's the strangest thing that has ever happened to you in a restaurant?
I watched two guys have a massive fight, and they crashed into me. I screamed at them for spilling my drink and the bartender bought me a new drink after the police came. So there was that, I hate it when someone spills my drink, don't you Boff?
Absolutely I couldn't agree more, on to a different topic then, I also wanted to ask about Juventus? I know you're a big fan, but how exactly did you arrive at that point? I mean Italian football as an interest?
I started watching Serie A as a little one. We had a channel that carried the games in Italian, and I fell in love with Juve. *Popper promises to show Boff her keepy-uppy skills later, but only as long as Boff doesn't perv over her bare legs in shorts*
*Boff takes a big slurp on his Kahuna shake to avoid the temptation to look at Popper's legs* Okay, how about a change of tack then, what does a typical day in the life of Popper involve?
I grab a few hours of sleep, wake up, shower, cry, get dressed, cry, eat breakfast, cry, drive to work crying, and then go out with friends in the evening. So you know, pretty standard. *Popper looks at Boff with big doe eyes like a lost child* *then she laughs and punches Boff on the shoulder before cramming fries into her mouth*
Oh my darling, that's heart breaking. I hate the sound of crying, unless it was that time Bungo wore jeans and caught his unmentionables in the zipper. hahaha, ahhh happy days, what are the favourite things you love about your life?
I like the kindness and patience of my sisters and my friends. *Boff looks on expecting Popper to continue, and they just end up staring at each other before Popper laughs* Well that was awkward Boff, you do have a nice beard though, so congrats with that.
*Boff blushes*....ahem, thank you young lady, ...and what about men! oh dreaded men, what's the worst chat-up line you've ever heard?
"Got any Irish in you? No? Want some?" pretty lame really, to be honest I don't like chat-up lines. I prefer a man that is funny and honest a lot of guys can be jerks.
I quite agree, and if you had to pick a partner in crime, what would be the key things you would look for?
Handy with the steel and remorseless *makes finger pistols*. Would have to be kind to animals and buy me things.
coming back to Thelma and Louise then, they clearly went out with a bang, how would you like to leave your mark on the world?
Self-immolation while crying. *To understate the point Popper produces a lighter and sets fire to a playing card, playing with it in her fingers until it burns down to her finger tips* *Popper then smiles politely at Boff waiting for the next question*
You are quite enigmatic, and a little terrifying you do know that don't you, anyway, finally I think we can conclude this interview by asking what would be your theme tune in the closing
credits?
*Popper smiles sweetly to herself* that's an easy one Boff, The Hoe by Laurent Garnier
...and with that the interview is at a close but not the race, Popper chucks the trash into a near by bin from the car window, starts up the engine and then screeches out of the car lot pulling a 360 on the way....
No comments:
Post a Comment