The Moatman Interviews - S3- No.10 'Tardis spotting' featuring @Dyskadores

The camera opens on a busy tea-shop like something out of Withnail and I; dozens of people sat around neatly laid white table cloths and cake stands displaying the finest wares, as the camera pans across the busy chitter chatter of the tea room we find this week's guest sat in one corner near a fireplace and little lintel window looking out on a summery market place.

Boff Moatman is doing his best to devour a jam Victoria sponge without getting too much jam or clotted cream in his beard, "Oh dear Boff you're making a terrible mess", says today's guest as she dabs at his face with a paper napkin!

Boff raises his arm towards the waitress to gesture that they would like some more cake and teas making a prodding finger motion at the spotted dick, before turning to Camera, Hail fellows! It's I Boff Moatman here to welcome you to another of my interviews, myself and my darling guest have been sampling the cakes on sale here at the Wimbledon tea rooms and very nice they are too, so, what can I tell you about today's guest, a self-confessed Whovian and Archers fan, who's rather handy at crochet (no not the kind with mallets and wooden balls), and knows a thing or two about educating children, yes, today's guest is the darling @dyskadores 'Dyskadores raises a tea-cup' right then my darling, lets get started. To help my readers get to know you a little better I wanted to ask you whether you had any good anecdotes that you could share with us? something that shows off your flair and wit.

I once set my hair on fire listening to a so-called "whispering candle".  I think I bought it in celebration of passing my driving test on the sixth go and taking a friend out for the day in my ancient Mini.  I must have been a bit giddy that day.

Hahaha brilliant! as a beardy man, naked flames are a constant danger, I've had a 'fizzle' once or twice myself my darling and of cause you're a big fan of Dr Who, and in particular the daleks, So I wanted to ask what about the show got you hooked and who's your favourite Dr?

I got hooked on Doctor Who because Dad was a big fan.  Favourite part of Saturday afternoon was hiding behind the sofa whenever the Daleks appeared.  Best Doctor was Tom Baker.  He's the one I grew up with :)

Indeed, of cause I have to be careful with the Wombles, the last time we watched an episode with the Cybermen I had four pairs of long noses peering over the back of the sofa. Even Bungo who thinks of himself as a hard man, doesn't like the bits that make you jump. I had a very crowded bed that night I can tell you. Now if you had your own personal dalek for the day where would you go and what would you get it to do for you?

I'd take a Dalek to see Michael Gove to hold him to account for the damage he did to the education system.  EXTERMINATE!  Yep, still bearing a grudge.  And then I'd give it a home in my house, and a job: answering PPI cold-callers and supplying me with unlimited tea and cake (wearing an apron).

hahahah oh dear! Can I come with you when you do that? and of cause you've crocheted daleks, which looked brilliant by the way, so I wanted to ask have you always been good at making things? Did you make anything for your class at school?

I've made my class a giant bright green Dalek (House colours) as a thank you present to them for the lovely gifts and cards I had from them when I was off school for 3 months last year following a lady-plumbing operation.  The Dalek is in the form froom pointing at the door :)

N'awww that's lovely, and as a teacher what part of your job do you love the most and why?

The holidays.  Actually, I do enjoy most parts of my job so it's difficult to say which bit I enjoy most.  I think it's when the students are so into the work or a discussion that we all lose track of time and then suddenly the bell goes and they don't want to leave.  It doesn't happen every day, but when it does it's ace.

Now I wanted to ask you a question about Noel Edmonds, both Boff and Dyskadores are fans of deal or no deal, a little known fact. If you had the opportunity to go on Deal or No Deal what would you say to Noel and the Banker? would you have a strategy?

I'm not much of a gambler so my strategy would be one that got me a decent amount.  I think I'd take anything over £10k as being a success and get out of there at that point.  Standing up to the peer pressure to keep going would be hard, but I'm very sensible.

hahahah 10,200? Deal! I do love a bit of Deal or No Deal, Noel always wears such fancy shirts, now, on to a different show the Archers, as someone who strictly uses the radio for Heart FM, I wanted to ask you to describe what the Archers is to a non-believer?

The Archers is an everyday story of country folk.  Imagine Eastenders in a field.  The tweet along is hysterical.  More innuendo than a Carry-on.  It's also about routine.  I'm a creature of habit well into middle age and 15 minutes a night is just enough drama for me while I'm busy doing other things like cooking.

ahhh you see I lack imagination, well, apart from the Wombles. Perhaps an off-topic questions now, I wanted to ask which one of today's cake you've enjoyed the most, I quite liked the lemon drizzle, but it was a bit too drizzly if you see what I mean...

 Definitely the Lemon Drizzle!  A clear winner.

Really? are you sure? the carrott cakes was devine, anyway what does the future hold for our dear Dyskadores, are you working on any big summer projects? May day is coming up soon you know!

Current project is supporting @Dark_blue_box in his quest for world domination.  He's standing for election this May as a City Councillor.  Other than that, I'd quite like a decent crop of peas and runner beans from the garden.  Going to be channeling Dame Edna with the 79 gladioli we planted :)

Well It's been lovely spending the afternoon with you my lovely, I did have one final question, if you had to design a crocheted top for a Womble, say, a nice womble like Wellington, what design might it include?

I'd have to do something like "keep calm and keep wombling" or something on it.

hahaha brilliant! I think he'd like that a lot, well, my darlings we still half a pot of tea to drink and we're expecting @Dark_blue_box to join us shortly (we have saved 'some' cake... honest) and so I'll bid you adieu until next time. Enjoy ;)