The Moatman Interviews -S3- No.1 'Artistic intentions' featuring @PaperHegemony

*The camera opens on a beautiful night-time garden lit up by chinese laterns painted red and gold, the mellow sounds of 80s new romantic music waft through the air as Spandau Ballet belt out 'True' somewhere far away, and then the camera pans up the garden, clothing strewn here and there until we reach a large sized hot tub, bubbling away, steam rising up, as two people gentle splash about in the water, one who looks like a beardy, pruned version of Bruce Forsyth, which must be Boff, and the other, a blonde elfin character who must be today's guest*

*Boff raises a glass of Barolo* Hello my dear sweethearts and welcome to a brand new series of the Moatman Interviews, and what better way to kick us off then getting nicely smashed on Barolo while marinating in a hot tub with my first rather attractive guest. It's none of that rush rush rush you city types get up to you know.

Now, how do I describe tonight's guest? A diminutive blonde bombshell who's handy with a paint brush, an uber mummy with her own jam making facilities, or classy about town lady who's really quite posh actually. Yes, tonights rather bubbly (it's the hot tub you know) guest is none other than Willow, the PaperHegemony herself,

*Willow raises a glass of Barolo and takes a drag on her Morroccan cigarette* Hello Boff, you do look a bit warm, so then what do you want to know?

*Boff fans himself*, mmmm the water is quite inclement, I can't tell if it's the wine or the night air, but I am rather warm. Well it's a pleasure to share a bubbly bath with you. I guess to begin with for those of my readers who are perhaps less familar with you we could start with a getting to know you question. If you had to describe yourself for the purposes of a job interview in one short paragraph how would you describe yourself and your key expertise?

I haven’t had a job interview for over 10 years, Boff, so anything I say will sound a lot like I was coached at the job centre. I am very adaptive, stoic and competent - people tell me they can’t believe how calm I am.

 Creative, philosophical and nurturing - I love people watching and making observations about society. I trained as a primary school teacher but hated the restrictive nature of the national curriculum, so hoped to retrain as a social worker. Then I had more children.
 

Over the last few years, I have had to learn a huge number of practical specialised nursing skills but more than anything, I love to use my artistic skills to express myself.

Well, that all sounds in order you're hired! I could use a bit of private nursing myself, ahem... So... anyway, I fear too much longer of the hot tub and I'll prune up completely, so lets press on. We'll come to motherhood and children a little later on, but I'd like to ask you some questions first about your formative questions and your love of art. What kind of teenager were you? are there any good stories you can remember about finding your way in the world? Boys, booze and importantly art!

I came from a broken home, had many step parents, all of whom were liberal and many were broken souls. I was a rather lost and lonely young teen who got caught up with a bad crowd and found myself in trouble and expelled from Grammar school when I was 14. This was both good and bad; it knocked my confidence completely and I was sent off to catholic boarding school (which was very strange, considering how irreligious we were) and I found a certain security there which allowed me to pass exams and move through the usual stages of teen behaviour. Even at school I was a misfit; I was listening to Suede, Portishead and Ben Folds Five by the age of 13 - my Papa is a blues guitar playing geologist - and who read National Geographic to me for bedtime stories, let me fall asleep next to his speakers blaring Hendrix & Fleetwood Mac.

I lost my virginity in the shade of the chapel to a 6th former. I was 15 and frankly unimpressed. When I went to live with my Pa after boarding school, I went to a local comprehensive to do A levels. I had a job at a local business  (a good story in itself!) where I met my first real boyfriend. He was 7 years older and I learned a lot from him. Or rather, he let me lead the way while we learned together - I realised I loved sex! I didn’t really drink until 6th form. There were a few afternoons by the cricket pavilion at boarding school, when one of us would have brought in some contraband vodka (easily smuggled as water) back from weekend leave, we snorted vodka. 
 

Art is a funny one. Although it was generally acknowledged by family and by teachers that I had a talent for art, it was never something that compelled me. I enjoyed GCSE art and when transferred to boarding school, my teacher was so enthusiastic about it, he wanted me to try A level immediately and simply bypass GCSE. I wasn’t allowed and as a result I lost interest. I stopped trying to complete the tasks and that was that. I have always drawn for fun but i didn’t really start to use it for myself until i was much older. I was too busy getting drunk, stoned and having sex. Being a teenager.

You snorted vodka at the Cricket Pavilion? I hope you were a member of the cricket club then :D and it's clear you drew a lot of inspiration from music as a teen, so I wanted to ask were there any particular musical /literary scene or artist that helped inspire your creative side when you were younger?

As I mentioned before, my father was a huge influence. He has always been self employed and devoted to his guitar playing. He was always in a band and they used to rehearse in a specially insulated-with-mattresses and carpet tiles room directly below my bedroom. I am amazed that I don’t have hearing problems. He used to take me to see live musicians often and i still get really high from a screaming guitar.

He was generous with my musical development; he took me to see Take That and Blur, Pulp and so on, to encourage my enjoyment. He has a great vinyl collection and I had free rein to that throughout childhood.
 

I listened to anything from Stevie Wonder to The Cardigans. I loved Terrorvision and Carole King.

Literature was not so much an influence. I was a great English student - I have a geeky passion for language and more specifically, etymology, the history of language generally and language acquisition. My favourite thing about books was reading Edgar Allen Poe out loud to one of my best friends, Yann, and he would read Saki to me. Jeeves and Wooster, Henry James, Brontë sisters, Darling buds of May - these are things I remember reading, Oh and Gary Larson cartoons.

Okay, and now moving on to your current creative streak, your art work also has quite a strong social commentary, many of your cartoons have a deeper personal or social meaning. I wanted to ask what the creative process is like for you? and are there any key themes of messages you like to incorporate?

There are three aspects to art for me. There is the decorative, pretty art that people enjoy  - the colourful landscapes and charming portraits. These are about my style and skill with a paintbrush and box but have little figurative meaning. My audience seem to like these a lot and I hope that I can build this to make a living.

There are the more intense interpretative paintings which often have deep spiritual meaning for me and I am becoming more confident about people finding them ugly, or provocative. These serve a purpose of provoking feeling and thought; if I can somehow convey what is inside my head, an interpretation of an experience, via canvas and acrylic, into someone else’s brain and stimulate the same feelings and thoughts, then I have achieved something tremendous. I enjoy hearing other peoples reactions and responses because sometimes I learn something about myself. 
 

The cartoons and drawings are social observations. Someone who became very close to me recently made the suggestion that I started cartooning and they are evolving rapidly. For some reason that I don’t know about (which hurts me terribly) this person has withdrawn from me now but I am extremely grateful for the encouragement that was given. There is such mileage; I am considering some sort of graphic novel to illustrate the children’s heart transplant process and surrounding issues, as this easily accessible format will enable people to understand it in a facile way.

Thank you Willow that's beautiful. Now I'd like to move on to ask you some questions about motherhood, your the mum to four beautiful children, and have been through a tough time with your son's illness and heart transplant which we'll come to, but first perhaps some lighter questions, if you had to describe the main difference to your pre and post children life, other than having 4 small people running around, what would that difference be? and have you caught yourself using any of the sayings your parents used to you as a child?

I was 19 when I had my first child, Boff. I was only just past childhood but it was a brilliant experience that stopped me from going crazy. He has been the easiest child and is becoming a fine young man. I went through Uni as a single mum when he was 9 months old. I have never really known life as an adult, without being a mum. He was 6 when I started a family in earnest and so I already had a good handle on what to do! 

I miss sleep, I miss privacy, I miss spontaneity. There is no denying that I have grown up with my kids and the maturation process has been rapid in the last 6 years, dealing with life changing circumstances. I do often hear my mother falling from my face and it makes me want to cry. I swear under my breath a lot. 

To be honest I think we all swear we'll never say the things our parents did to make us behave as kids, and then when our time comes we blummin well say the same! It certainly makes you respect your own parents a lot more. Now then having one small person is a lot of work but four must be quite a challenge, do you have any amusing stories or out of the mouths of babes stories? the kind of stood in the kitchen at 4am making angel delight and dropping the bowl etc

You know I often tweet the little silly things my kids say and do but some of my favourites have been the two following events;  My youngest son was then close to 3 years old and playing in the lounge with his siblings while i was preparing a meal in kitchen next door. I suddenly caught the ripe aroma of shit on the air and called out a standard, ‘son, have you done a poo?’

He replied ‘YE-ES’ and appeared in the doorway, devoid of nappy but brown with smears like camouflage paint. Throwing down tea towel, with narrowed eyes, I dashed through to the lounge, expecting to find skid marks all over. It smelled BAD. ‘where have you put your nappy?’ I demanded. ‘Its ok mommy, i wasn’t wearing a nappy, but i picked the poo up.’ I looked around in desperation, ‘yes darling, ok.. where is it?’  ‘Its on the table, mummy.’ 

And my daughter recently was in a terrible mood. She is 8. I always try to talk through any anger with the kids; they have had a huge amount of distressing life events to cope with in last few years and I have a strong awareness of how this could affect their mental health. She was moaning away about some of her peers picking on her, how she hated herself and how she wished we could home educate again. This tugs on my heart strings, as I wish we could too, but I have to be realistic about my own energy and abilities. I can’t manage it any more. So i listened to her and tried to work out how to tackle her distress. In the end, i simply asked, ‘how do you see things being better?’

this provoked EXTREME RAGE (clearly the wrong response) and she screamed at me 

‘I DONT KNOW! I CANT SEE INTO THE PAST, OR WHATEVER IT’S CALLED!’

How I am supposed to take them seriously...

To be fair when I first moved in with the Wombles, Bungo did something similar. Not in an incontinent small child way, more in a marking his territory way. Suffice to say we only use the big gravy boat for very special occaisons now, and only after it's been bleached for 48 hours first. so anyway, moving swiftly on....and of cause you have your own jam making facilities! I wanted to ask are you good at home crafts and cookery? and do you try and avoid the major supermarket stock items?

Haha, jam making facilities comprise of a large pan, a hob and the know how. My childhood home was a small holding; we had goats and chickens and I was taught very early on how to kill a bird, wring its neck, cut it to drain blood, pluck and gut. i milked goats, hid in haylofts with pigeons, rode bareback and played in the mud in my bare feet. i spent a lot of time in trees and dykes. Very lucky to have such freedom, I wish i could provide it for my children as it is a rapidly lost privilege. We grew our own vegetables, laid our own fires and didn’t watch television.

I can make clothes on a sewing machine - i have made my own dresses and things for the children. For a little while I ran a wee business called Eliza SewLittle.
 

I think very much about nutrition, i know how much health depends on a sensible diet. Especially mental health. I am not a slender woman, nobody could deny i love cake but I have kilner jars full of lentils and brown rice and organic dried fruit.. yes. I am that woman.

Now my darling I would like to ask you some questions about your son, who I hope is well today, I can only imagine the things you have been through on his road to recovery. It's an inherent human trait, particularly maternal, to want to protect your children, there must have been numerous times in-and-out of hospital where you felt helpless and at the mercy of the fates, was there any particular thing or emtion that helped you find the courage to keep going?

I have come to understand that illness and disability can affect our lives at any point. My son was healthy when he was born and his entire life has been destroyed by a virus. When I say ‘destroyed’, the meaning is less apocalyptic now than it used to be. I never thought ‘why us?’ because, ‘why the hell NOT us?’. We are not more special as another family to somehow avoid the devastation that it has brought. I have a greater calmness with the universe and comprehension of the meaning of being alive now than I ever used to. I practice meditation and self discipline. Nothing really removes the huge sense of inner desolation that has manifested since I have been so close to Death, waved my fist at her across my son’s hospital bed.

I am fiercely alive. I feel that it is the most wondrous, magical phenomena to be alive and that joy fuels my strength. Since my son’s transplant and subsequent resurrection, I am overwhelmed by gratitude. 

...and the day the doctor's told you that they had a donor heart available, I dare say you can remember that day vividly, but can you describe that to us?

It is a vivid memory and an epic story. The day was as depressing and bleak as many before. We had been in hospital for around 200 days and his health was declining rapidly. I could see that his spirit was fading. I was seeing my precious 5 year old son dying in front of me, each day. My head was full of fear and impatient desperation. Why had we waited SO LONG? 16 months on the waiting list. That morning, during the Dr’s ward round, I demanded answers, ‘why was he not more urgent?’, ‘why has his wait exceeded the average?’ and the Dr sat down gently and kindly told me what I already knew. There is no way of knowing. How can you predict someone else’s death? He told me to take some time out. 

I had arranged for a play specialist to sit with my son in his cubicle for company for a few hours and I took myself off to the British Museum. I was listening to Phosphorescent Muchacho and Father John Misty FunFear; these two albums were recommended to me by a dear, beloved friend who had a transplant himself. These two albums, particularly Muchacho, saw me through some bleak hours indeed. 
 

At the museum, I spent a long time looking at the ways that other cultures celebrate death. Commemorate and grieve. I was convinced my son would die and was bracing myself for that empty space his lack would create. it was agony to consider. Returning to the hospital later on, I was settling down to read and drink tea with him, when a knock came to the door. His consultant called me into the corridor and uttered, ‘we have an offer.’

Knowing that there are many false alarms, I tried not to get too excited. The irony of the earlier hours was not lost. Within half an hour I was visibly quaking as the blood tests started and I stared at my child, knowing they could be the last hours i ever spent with him. Some of the paintings I have made are attempts to convey that feeling but they don’t truly come close.

 *Boff holds Willow's hand* Well I am very glad to hear he's on the mend now, although I know he still needs a lot of care and support, so I wanted to ask how do you juggle things with everything else you need to do? and do your other children help out?

An immense amount of regimen, discipline, adaptations, preparation, sacrifice, grit and humour. Yes, they all have roles and responsibilities. I so often burn out, i rise early and stay up late. Relish my free time which is scarce. However, as I said before, I consider my vitality a precious gift and therefore give my all.

I bet! and what about you, as as a woman about town and city girl, do you have an active social life, is London the bohemian city I was always told it was as a child?


Well Willow, it's been a pleasure talking to you, thank you very very much for sharing your personal experiences, perhaps to end on a lighter note, one final question:

Well.. I am not presently in London. I was there while my son was in hospital but I am at heart a real country lass. Wind in hair and scratches on legs. I have almost no social life as a single mum but apart from the odd live band and bottle of wine, i don’t miss it much. I am recovering and healing from past relationship and trying to build my future as an art therapist and independent person. I enjoy meeting like minds on Twitter,  I run a womens group on Facebook and have a close circle of friends locally. The kids are small still and I am young. Just working on being a whole human being for now. Just miss sex rather a lot!

Well my darling I've rather enjoyed my dip with you, but there is just time for one more question. If you had your own personal hot tub time machine, when would you go back to? and what would you do?

Between the ages of 17 and 19 I had the best time. I had a fantastic time doing A levels, lived with my bohemian father, had a lot of house parties and sex. I passed remarkably well and vanished off to Paris as an au pair to a delightful family, for three little girls. I loved living in France and had some fast track lessons in cuisine and Wine. I had beeb learning French since I was 6 years old so I was as at home there as back in the UK. I did that for 6 months and then I took a job at PGL the holiday company. A couple of months of leading groups of kids around obstacle courses and zip wires  during the day, and having a lot more sex with young, fit and handsome men, i was sent out to their site in the Ardeche in south of france. Imagine being paid to be on the best holiday of your life. I had even more sex and alcohol, canoed down a beautiful river day after day, sunbathed, smoked, fucked and drank. and ultimately, forgot to be careful and fell pregnant.

...and with that we're done, and our first interview of a new series is resting before you. There's still a good half a bottle of wine left and the other CD rom my 80s greatest hits album, so I shall bid your good evening and see you all again soon *waves pinky finger*