The Moatman Interviews -S6- No.8 "Street style" ft @isimonFiction

The camera opens on what can only be described as a modern day Westside story, an aerial shot showing a rowdy looking crowd gathered on a pub car park somewhere in south London. The crowd form a ring to give space in the centre for the 'battle' to begin. A tall stocky man in a sleeveless T-shirt steps forward, his muscular arms covered in tattoos, a nasty looking scar on one cheek. He begins beat-boxing and throwing his arms around, before a short lythe lady in a beret steps out from behind him and begins:

"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead; I lift my lids and all is born again. (I think I made you up inside my head).

The stars go waltzing out in the blue and red, and arbitrary blackness gallops in: I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead."

The crowd bursts into rapturous applause with whoops and whistles, despite it only being the first two stanzas. The floor then passes to opposite side of the ring where a tall black man, with glasses and a large afro steps forward to announce that he only came here today to drink milk and bust some Keats, before dropping an empty bottle of nesquik on the floor. Another smaller gentleman to his right then points out that this is littering. What ensues for the next few minutes is a series of apologies with the former sorry for littering and the latter sorry for interrupting. Somewhere near the back of this series of apologies are two gentlemen stood watching the increasing silly set of apologies unfold. One older with a big bushy beard, the other younger also in a sleeveless T-shirt with his 'guns' folded across his chest. "This street poetry is a serious business isn't it?" comments Boff, "They're not kidding Boff, if you mess up your Maya Angelou out here you're a dead man" replies Simon.

Hail then fellows! calls Boff, today we're waxing lyrical with an experienced wordsmith of the craft, street poet, gastronomical genius and general ruffian, my guest today is IsimonFiction. "Hi guys" says Simon, "I'm not really a ruffian Boff, I just take language seriously, I'm pretty easy going really" continues Simon. "What about that time I got there and their mixed up?" replies Boff, to which Simon just shoots Boff a look folding his arms a little more tightly across his chest, before bursting out laughing. "I can't believe you brought that up again". *Boff blushes* "well yes, indeed, I'm not proud about it. Anyway, lets leave these poets to their bidding and find somewhere a little more comfortable to do our interview." "You mean the pub?" says Simon, "I do" replies Boff.

A few minutes later safely ensconced around a pub table, with a pint in hand the interview can begin, meanwhile outside a scuffle has broken out when one poet had claimed Carol Ann Duffy was a rubbish choice for poet laureate.    

Okay, so, lets begin. I think a good ice breaker would be to ask what does a typical day entail for a street poet like yourself?

Well Boff, the discipline of street poetry is a tough one to break into. You have your classically trained poets, breaking out Byron & Shelley all over the place. You then have your more contemporary, John-Cooper-Clark-inspired punk rock poets, and then your modern more-like-rap poets. All of these people pushing and shoving to make a name for themselves on the street. So I tend to start the day with a few verses of e.e.cummings to get the imagination fired, a couple of stanzas of Larkin, and maybe some early New Jersey rap to keep me sharp. Once I've warmed up, I tend to let my mind open, my third eye stare, and my mojo filter do it's thing, while trying to martial my thoughts into something hard, cold, and worthy of the street.

I don't even know who EE Cummings is, but it sounds pretty edgy mate. How exactly did you end up on this chosen path? was there some kind of initiation ceremony?

That's a good question, because often, as I'm staring into the mirror at 3:00am with a dirty street stanza going round and round in my mind and not letting me sleep, I often scream at myself "HOW DID I END UP HERE?!" Sometimes this ability I have feels more like a curse than anything else. The mind just won't switch off! Once I realised that I was destined to become a Shakespeare of the street, I started getting my work out there, and was contacted by a...er...certain group. You have to understand, they are quite secretive, but I can tell you that once chosen, you do have a couple of obligations to fulfil to be granted the title "Street Poet".  It involves leaving three of your pieces of work at certain points across London, and then walking around the British Library with one sock off, waiting to be contacted and have these three pieces of work approved as 'STREET' (which actually, in this once instance, is an acronym for 'Sick Tuneless Rhymes Exciting Each Time'). Once that's done, you're free to name yourself a member of the Street Poet group.

OMG I think I've seen some of your work, was "M Kahn is bent" one of yours? it's on a bridge in old Kentish Town. *Simon laughs*, "That might be street both, but its not poetry, and I'm certainly not the author!!". "Oh Okay" says Boff, before continuing, I also wanted to ask you what are your inspirations? are you a people watcher like me? or do you draw from the absurdity of the human condition?

Absurdity of the human condition"?  That's a great line, Boff, are you sure you don't have a bit of poetic blood in you?  I might have to nick that.... anyway... the ol' "where does your inspiration come from" question. It's a very difficult one to answer. I have an extremely fertile imagination. I mean, we're talking, freshly turned, just after a rain storm, perfect PH balance farmer's soil kind of fertile. But I do also draw inspiration from those around me.  It can be a scene I see play out on the street, something I read, or even just a sentence or a word I hear when I'm out and about. People watching is fascinating, isn't it? But at times, when I'm laying there, staring at the ceiling trying to sleep, something will fire from the depths of the
imagination, and I will just have to write about what I see play out in the dark.  That is ALL me. From romance & love, to abstraction & other-worldly lands, to serial killers and death.  It all comes from within.

Indeed and what about your process, do you have a methodology for how you go about writing? You do fiction as well as poetry is that right?

Well, I'm not your traditional sort of writer.  I don't have a 'writing space', or a set time of the day or night I set aside for writing.  I can be hit by inspiration at any time of the day or night, and so I always have to be ready to get something down.  Modern technology is a great medium for this.  I am never without my phone, and so it's a second or two to open my note-taking app. and then the words can be got out of my head and onto the page... well, screen.  I've even taken to carrying a small notepad around with me when out and about - because sometimes, some words feel better written with pen and ink than screen.  As for the fiction - yes, I have dabbled.  I actually started with fiction, way-back-when.  There was more of a balance between fiction & poetry.  But over the years, as my street poet stylings became more and more prevalent, the fiction took a back seat.  I like 'flash' fiction - short, perfectly formed pieces of fiction that can be read in a few minutes.  But I also do observational pieces, and very recently turned my hand to a kind of 'fable' story, for children.

That sounds exciting, I like a bit of the observational myself, the comings and goings of the Common, you know it all goes on round here. hahah it's a weird world. I also wanted to ask you who your literary heroes are and why? are there any good reads we should be checking out?

Strangely, I don't have many poets that I consider my literary heroes.  In fact, I don't believe in heroes.  Men & women are just men & women.   However, the poetry of e.e. cummings has always been a source of inspiration, because of the scatter gun imagery it can conjure.  And there are some fantastic street poets out there; Jambo Jones, Momma Clap, Skeezy, Jake the Scribe... and some of their work is just dangerous and charged.   

Two of my favourite writers are Douglas Coupland, and William Gibson.  I can heartily recommend not only their novels, but their observational writings and essays too.  But my guilty secret, for the love of language and the beauty and romance of the written word, I will always turn to the bard, William Shakespeare.

That EE Cummings has left a mark on you my friend. LOL! ..and what about social media? has it had an impact on what you do? has it changed your world?

You know Boff, I have SUCH a love / hate relationship with social media.  And I know you do too.  Some days it's great, there are a lot of funny & interesting people out there and social media gives you a channel to them.  And I of course met the love of my life on a certain brand of social media *smiles*.  But sometimes... the hate, the pettiness, the unending banality... it's all too much.

I am thankful, though, that it gives me a way to get my work read.  Yes, I leave pieces on walls and scattered around our urban environment, I am, after all, a street poet.  But to be able to reach out, and place some of my imagery into the heads of people sitting hundreds, sometimes thousands, of miles away - well, that's a gift.  And the instant publication of words... it's powerful.  I can think of an image, conjure and form it in my mind, get it down onto a page, and get it read within minutes.  That's pretty amazing.

That's awesome my friend. Okay, aside from writing, I wanted to explore a little more of the man, writing is not your only passion, can you tell us what else you've been getting up to lately?

As not too many people know, I am an olympic-level lazy bastard.  Luxuriating on a sofa, with soft cheeses and fine wines, like a 16th century French duke, is my idea of a good time.  But I also cook, and love to cook, for myself, or for my (air quotes) significant other.  Being the age I am, I no longer have the physical prowess nor the energy levels to take part in sport any more, as I used to do.  So rather than fight a losing battle, the tide of age and growing body mass that comes with a sedentary lifestyle, I choose to embrace it by cooking and eating good food.  This, along with beautiful language, is one of my great passions.  

Well, we all got to eat, why not enjoy the process! and what's the strangest situation you've found yourself in so far this year?

Haha, well, I do remember a few months ago being in the back of a cab with Tom Hingley, you know, the lead singer of the Inspiral Carpets, John Cooper Clarke, and Jo Caulfield, the stand up comic.  I was looking for a late night street poetry slam, around the back streets of Soho in London, and although JCC was willing to perform with me, Tom was too drunk and Jo would only give it a go for two cans of lager and a kebab!  So there we were, in a cab, trying to hunt down an open kebab shop that would take Scottish currency, while Tom sang "Saturn Five" in an off-key a-cappella, and JCC and I threw down some sick stanzas in preparation for the slam!  What a night... *sigh*

I also understand you're dating a reformed pirate. How's that working out? has she taught you any of her secret handshakes?

Oh Boff, where did you hear that?   Those gossipy grape vines again!
You're correct, of course.  My (air quotes) significant other has a very murky and dangerous past, but I like to think we've reformed each other in so many ways.  

As you know, being sworn into the secret ways of the pirate tradition is not something done lightly.  In fact, it took a long time for me to even be allowed to speak to some of her... less salubrious friends.  But I'm pleased to say she convinced her old cohorts I am to be trusted.  And in return, I've escorted her along the byways and highways of the street poet landscape, where she has made herself most at home.  We are soul mates, as though we have lived a past life together.

Ah, Our dear Helly is quite the woman isn't she. I can imagine when her friends and yours get together it must be an interesting concoction? do you have any amusing stories you can share with us?

You know, when our social circle mixes, it's a little like oil & water.  It makes pretty patterns, but add the wrong ingredient and it can blow up in your face!  Whereas my peer group is more street poet / labourer / dragged up by the bootstraps working class folk, my (air quotes) significant other and her crowd are more arty, middle class, well spoken and well brought up - but with that soupçon of danger that comes from roaming and owning the high seas.

We've had many a night of debauchery & wild times, but more often than not things end up in either a mass love in, or a fist fight.  It can be quite an eye opener, watching a 9-stone-wet-through street poet being pounded by a strapping, galleon-in-full-gale heavy-breasted reformed pirate across a pub table.  And I mean 'pounding' in both senses of the word!

Now, I would pay to see that! ...and what does the future hold for you young man? what are your plans for world domination? what can we expect to see coming your way soon?

As always with me, Boff, it's about the words.  The language.  The art of the street poet.  I love doing what I do, but the only slight downside is that being 'street', the scene is a bit underground, and so my work doesn't reach the audience I'd like it to.  Although my day job pays the bills, I would love to make a living from doing what I love.  But, with the flood of new poets and writers that can use the internet as their publishing tool, it's very hard to be noticed as a talented poet.

So for now, I'll keep slamming those stanzas, launching those lines, parading those paragraphs to the people who read my work.

Finally then I always like to end on a silly question, if you found yourself on 8 out of 10 cats do countdown, what word would you insist Susie Dent adds to her dictionary and why?

Ha!  Well, I would plump for "testiculating" - the act that a man does when he's very hot, and wearing loose underwear, so has to unstick his knackers from the inside of this thigh.  Testiculating.

hahaha and with that our interview and our entire series is at an end. It's been a magical journey and what better way to end it in the bosom of a grizzy street poet, flipping lyrical with the vernacular and steady flow of alcoholic beverages.

The Moatman Interviews -S6- No.7 "All the pretty things" ft @bysammercer

The cameras open on what looks like a cluttered dressing room, bras and corsets flung over chairs, a dress hanging neatly off the back of a wardrobe door protected inside a plastic wrap. Then as the camera pans round we come to a row of picture mirrors with light bulbs around the edge of each mirror and a work top cluttered with an array of cans, accessories and varies types of make up. The room thus far is empty save for one elderly gentleman sat in front of a mirror. While for those familiar with this blog its a well recognised face; its unusual in that the trade mark heart shaped pink sunglasses are missing today. The old gent stares at his own reflection somewhat in trepidation, a heart drawn in one corner of the mirror in red lipstick a first clue for today's guest.

As the old gent continues to stare at his own reflection a pair of well manicured female hands appear, gently running their fingers over his thread bare cranium. "oh darling, I'm so glad you've given me the opportunity to do this" she says, before adding "you're face is like a blank canvass, I can't wait to jazz it up a bit. That beard is crying out for some attention" Boff ruffles his eyebrows into a frown, "when you say Jazz it up a bit, what exactly does that entail? you're not going to make me look like a prat are you?" says Boff. The out of shot lady lets out a gasp of exasperation before gently slapping the top of Boff's head "naughty boy" she exclaims, "as if I would make you look anything less than magnificent"

The lady then moves round to sit next to Boff, resting her chin on her hand, while running her fingers through Boff's beard with the other hand. "Your beard is lovely and soft though, perhaps some butterfly clips and a tint" she ponders. Boff blushes, before realising the cameras are on and then at a jolt turns to the camera, "Hail, fellows! I'm once more back in Northern Ireland to host today's interview with our resident glamour puss and vixen, yes, today's guest is Sam Mercer", Sam takes a sip of tea from a large mug and finger waves to the camera. "So what are we doing today then Boff?" asks Sam, "I've got some nice hats you could try on, or I could give you a head scarf if you think you could pull it off?" "Well, I was planning on asking you some questions" replies Boff. "Okay, you ask your questions and I'll see what I can find" says Sam as she gets up to rummage through a box of accessories.

Okay, that's fine, but nothing that covers my ears, they're very sensitive. So I like to begin these with an ice breaker so those out there can get to know you. So if you came with a set of instructions, what would they be? and why?

*Sam puts a mascara pencil to her lips, and ponders* Hmmm, well, to get the best from this girl you should feed and water regularly with Italian cuisine and Gin (especially the gin), make her laugh till her ribs hurt, then wind her up and watch her go , where she stops nobody knows. 

"Do I make you laugh?", enquires Boff shyly. "Oh heaps, darling" replies Sam has she forcefully pulls down a top hat onto Boffs head, slapping the top of it firmly. Hmmm she says, makes you look a bit funerally, before whipping the hat off again. "aggghh me ears!" cries Boff. "Don't make a fuss Boff, honestly" says Sam kissing the top of Boff's ears, before delving into a bag full of feather boas.

So I know you love your make up, fashion and accessories, I wanted to ask what life was like growing up as a kid. Were you a girlie girl?

Actually, I wasn't really a girly girl Boff, I had 3 younger brother and plus all the kids in the neighbourhood were boyish, so I was a bit of a tomboy, donning for the most part a rather fabulous pair of spray on velveteen shorts, Micky Mouse T-shirt and converse, bombing round on my chopper and getting into mischief. It's a strong look, even now I think back on those days, and the local police were impressed by my style. They didn't say as much, but I could tell they wished they could rock out a Micky Mouse T-shirt.  

*Sam wraps a pink feather boa around Boff's neck, and adds a big pair of star shaped sunglasses. "hmmm, too Elton John", she says, "don't worry we'll find something that works for you", "Oooooh! I've got just the thing" she says, as she dashes off into a little room off the dressing room.

Boff shouts after Sam, and aside from fashion successes, have there been any particular fashion faux pas you can share with us? did you go through the ra-ra skirt phase? I know I did.

Fashion faux pas ? Oh there have been many dear Boffykins, you can't find a strong look without a few misfires, but the one that stands out particularly is probably my white sailor hat worn with a turquoise jumpsuit, I thought I looked bloody amazing. Don't you say anything, just don't Boff.

*Boff does a zips mouth and throws away key gesture* Now, my darling, I also I think one of the things I love most about you is your positivity, the fearless way in which your approach life, do you have any particular secrets for a happy life?

Well, on a very serious note, I had a life changing event 3 years ago and while I probably for the most part was quite positive about it; It really reinforced that old saying 'you only get one chance' so therefore I embrace life and everything that comes my way, and even though I know that is not always possible, I do try and be in the moment, deep I know right?

Very, but in a way, I think that makes me respect you even more. Now, off the serious and back to the silly, you're known for being a bit of a tearaway as we already mentioned, what's the naughtiest thing you've ever done, and for god sake don't say running through a wheat field?!

Well, I've done many many naughty things, but probably the worst was when I was 16 and a trainee hairdresser, the girl I worked with was thoroughly obnoxious on a regular basis, so one day when I was having my lunch, I decided to cut off a few pubes (in the days when I had them) and put them in her cheese sandwich and then watched her eat it is that too naughty ?

*Boff goes pale* "Is that a yes Boff?", laughs Sam. "Now, are you ready, this is one of a kind, crafted by own nimble fingers?" Boff furrows his eyebrows, as Sam gentle places one hand over his eyes, when she removes it, a pretty black and white dalmatian spot bow-tie is nestled in Boff's beard. "Oh, I quite like that" he says. *Sam claps her hands with happy glee* "I knew you'd like it" says Sam. "Now we just need a wig made from real pubes", she continues without a hint of sarcasm

Hmmm not sure about that, anyway we can't do an interview like this without asking some questions about men! god men, they get everywhere don't they. So being the glamourous and alluring lady that you are, I'm sure you've had your share of creeps come up to you on a night out, I wanted to ask what's your best put down?

I say this on a regular basis "darling, I would destroy with a mere bat of my eyelashes let alone anything else"

*Sam beams a wide smile*

...and equally what's the biggest turn on and turn off in a man? and why?

Biggest turn off would be someone who was arrogant, cock sure and teeth like a bag of chips biggest turn on without a doubt is humour, followed by someone who is comfortable in their own skin

"Teeth like a bag of chips?! Christ on a bike! I'm quite comfortable in my own skin you know, suggests Boff". "You'd look better with that pube wig, Boff" replies Sam. *Boff cringes his face* Okay, Okay, enough about men, what about friends, you have a great set of female friends, what's your favourite girls night in indulgence?

Indulgence ? mmmm, the company you are in is paramount, then you could be anywhere really. Personally though, I think the setting would be the sun splitting the skies, a roaring BBQ on the go, drink in hand and music in full flow and being served by beautiful men. Preferably semi-naked men, in tight trunks. Not vulgar, tasteful, but it makes the gin taste better Boff.

Hahaha, talking of friends, we also had your mate Kachela (Murray) on a few series back, where we went camping. How are you with the great outdoors as it were?

I love the outdoors, in fact for many years I took the kids camping, the only down side is the toilet facilities, which is not good for me as I am a touch OCD around such things, but I do love a good forest. 

Ah indeed, sprogs! how have we made it to question 10 without mentioning children? As a yummy mummy, I wanted to ask you what have your children learnt from you? Have you given them some of your daring do?!

The biggest thing for me is raising and teaching my children to be comfortable with who they are, to be honest, even when its uncomfortable, treat people with respect and finally live life to the full bizarrely they are relatively quiet and constantly embarrassed by my antics.

hahah indeed, well you are larger than life my love. So I also a question about St George's market, how do you keep the other traders on their toes? are you a scamp at work too?

I keep my fellow traders on their toes because I'm a cheeky rascal and they know it but I believe it keeps you young. You've got to make the most of any situation Boff, whether it's selling your wears on a market, or razzing around the neighbourhood in your favourite Micky Mouse T-shirt.

Amen to that! I couldn't have put it better myself. So, final question then, who's your pin-up idol and why?

my  idol is the one and only Bettie Page, first girl of pinup, regardless of the taboo nature of what she was doing she went forth with passion, tits out and proud.

"Well, what a way to end an interview, I couldn't have put it better" says Boff. "awww is all over" says Sam, sneaking an arm into a nearby wardobe. "Fraid so, join us next week for our series finale" says Boff with a serious face, just as Sam places a hairy looking beret on his head. "What's that?" says Boff with genuinely look of terror. "Pube wig" says Sam, before adding "boom, now we're done".

The Moatman Interviews -S6- No.6 "The psychology of scams" ft @curiousshrink

The cameras open on a quaint little tea shop somewhere in central London, a view of a park visible through the old fashioned sash windows. Sat at a table for two by the windows are a lady and a gentleman, sipping tea from matching cups, while the afternoon sun is glinting off a steel kettle sat in the middle of the table. The lady holds her cup with two hands, gently taking a sip while nonchalantly looking out the window at the world going by. Sat opposite her in a brown trenchcoat with a colour matched fedora on his head at a jaunty angle is today's interviewer. For the last five minutes he has been sat there anti-socially holding up a newspaper making strange noises and periodically peering over the top at today's guest.

Putting her cup back down, today's guest decides to break the silence. "Boff, I don't want to come across as rude, but is there any particular reason you've come dressed as Humphrey Bogart?" she asks. Boff folds and places the paper on the table looking slightly embarrassed. "Well, we are going to be talking about the art of scamming today, so I thought I should 'detective up' and get into the right mode of thinking" replies Boff. Our guest rolls her eyes and allows herself a little chuckle, before gently sliding her glasses forward along her nose slightly. Then moving towards Boff so she can look at him over the top of her glasses she whispers "Boff, it's not 1948, we've moved on a bit since then, you know, the internet" finishing with a wink.

Boff jostles in his chair, "oh, I know yes, the internet, the internet, of course" then he pauses for a few moments before confessing "actually no I don't, I'm really sorry". Martina (today's guest) puts a reassuring hand on Boff's "Don't worry, it's actually a lot more complex than you realise, but I'm glad you came to me. I'd hate to think of you getting ripped off by some git with the morals of a dodgy car salesman". Boff takes off his hat and coat before turning to the camera, "Hello, dear friends, once more we've gathered for another of my interviews, today I'm here with Martina Dove a researcher into the psychology of scams to get to grips with how the mind works" Martina laughs and says "no pressure then, Boff" before smiling and giving a little wave to camera.

Right, says Boff, getting out a little notebook and pencil, I wanted to begin by asking you to explain to my readers the nature of your research? what specifically do you look at and how does that work?

My research concerns scams and fraud. Specifically, I am looking into the psychology behind scams; from persuasion techniques that scammers use to personal characteristics that make people more vulnerable to scams. So, for example, sometimes it could be just personal circumstances that make you more vulnerable to scams, such as being elderly. Scammers prey upon elderly people because they are likely to have cognitive impairment, such as early stages of dementia or Alzheimer's, which their family members may not know about. This makes them an easy target as their decision-making is compromised. 

That's awful, people are so cruel. I also wanted to know how did you come to be interested in this topic? is it something that's close to your heart personally?

Actually it is a bit of a weird story. In the final year of my undergraduate degree, we had to choose an experiment and I ended up running an experiment on Hard- easy effect.  It is a form of cognitive bias, people who know very little think they know more than they know and those who actually know a lot, think they know less than they do. I thought it was cool. So when I had to choose a project for my Masters, I Googled cognitive biases and chose another cognitive bias, the Barnum effect.  The Barnum effect is a tendency to accept very vague feedback as very accurate of you, when in fact it is so vague that it applies to everyone. This is how clairvoyant and psychic scams work.  The Barnum effect is often connected to gullibility and in some research that looked into it, there was a question of whether students should be used as participants as they are not sophisticated. By sophisticated, they meant that they are young and impressionable. 

For example, I found in my Masters study, that older people don't succumb to the Barnum effect. Long story short, I wanted to continue to do something with the Barnum effect and gullibility.  But I found out you can't just go and do what you want as a PhD student and say 'I want to do it because it is interesting'.  You have to apply it and for the greater good, not evil.  There was much agony in the first year of my PhD because I could not think why would someone want to use my 'gullibility' test for the greater good but eventually I came across an article about psychology of scams and thought "yeah, this is what I want to do'.  So it was a very winding road. 

I was young and impressionable once says Boff wistfully. Okay so more broadly then, when people think about 'scams' they usually jump straight to the internet and email, but it's broader than than that isn't it? can you explain for us?

Yes, scams go back centuries. Even Nigerian scams, they go back decades but it used to cost scammers to execute them as they had to send it via post or fax or telephone. Internet has changed the way scams are executed by making them cheap to send to a vast number of people. It also affords anonymity to the scammer. For example, it takes a pretty nasty person to knock door-to-door and deceive elderly people out of money, but if you are doing it via emails, your victims are faceless and the crime seems a bit more acceptable. The Internet also makes it difficult to prosecute, as scammers can be located anywhere in the world. This is why fraud is becoming an epidemic. 

That actually sounds very scary, but perhaps we can get more into the technical detail then. Do you think people are more vulnerable to being scammed now than they were say 20 years ago??

Yes, definitely. First of all, it is a numbers game. When you are hit with a scam, it has to appeal to you. When scams were expensive to deliver, people didn't get that many and now we get them every day.  This in itself raises the risk of becoming a victim. In addition, most of our lives are now on the Internet. Banking for example. When you go to your branch now, you can't do anything but use a machine to pay stuff in. You have to call your bank or go online to bank. This makes it easy for scammers to pretend they are legitimate organisations. When you register a company on Companies House, no one checks that the details you gave are real. But people still think that this is a good way of telling whether the business is a scam or not. Companies don't take fraud prevention seriously. It is easy enough to commit fraud now, even make it look pretty legitimate and get away with it because there is so much fraud out there that even the easiest cases are not investigated. Fewer prosecutions equals less risk for the fraudsters, making fraud an easy and attractive crime. 

Okay, and continuing on this theme are there any particular key techniques that scammers use on us to get the response they want? are there recognised methods they use?

Yes, there are plenty of scam techniques. Using time limits such as 'one time only' offer, so you have no time to carefully consider the offer and you instantly feel regret thinking you may miss out. Inducing visceral influence, such as fear and panic (think phishing scams that tell you your accounts are compromised) or greed (winning a lottery you never bought the ticket for).  Scammers also use prize proximity and prize vividness to persuade.  This refers to quick investments.  People would think twice about investing in something that is likely to take years so keeping the prize in short proximity is the key. Getting you excited about the prize to keep it vivid and to stop you from thinking carefully. Reciprocity is another. So often scammers send small gifts to victims because it is more likely that the victim will feel bad for not returning the favour. Similarity and familiarity, for example, making you think they are like you in some way enhances trust and compliance. The list goes on.  

See, I knew it was complex and do you think there are any particular aspects of our life / pysche that make us particularly vulnerable?

Yes. Our circumstances are exploited, such as being recently widowed or divorced, you are more likely to be hit with romance scams.  Often when people have been in a long term, loving relationship, it doesn't occur to them there might be people out there pretending to be someone else. Loneliness also makes it more likely that you will engage with scams, just because it is something that is happening in an otherwise mundane and lonely life. Our data is in cyberspace and clever scammers make sure they know a thing or two about you in order to hit you with the right scam. Having said that, personal characteristics such as being impulsive, compliant or not reading the information carefully can also make one more likely to fall for a scam. Also being too polite, unable to say no. 

That's fascinating and are there any particular types of scam which are becoming more prevalent? is it a case that they target certain sections of society? like the elderly or lonely for example?

People still think of scammers as opportunists but they are evolving to be shrewd businessmen. People are targeted specifically as this makes it more likely you will fall for a scam. So certain age groups, like the elderly, are hit with very specific scams and scammers even go door-to-door. Why? Because this age group may not be easily reached via the Internet but is likely to be lucrative. Then you have scams designed for and distributed to businesses, which may mimic real life correspondence.  The young are hit with iTunes and Amazon scams because they use these platforms the most and even academics get hit with specific scams, such as fake conferences and journals and invoices for conference travel, which are all things that happen in an academic world. So yes, scammers are now able to get a lot of data on people prior to targeting them. There is a research done by Microsoft that suggests Nigerian scams are now solely sent to identify the most vulnerable and gullible victims. Their details are sold for profit to other scammers. Women, for example, are targeted by romance scams in a way that is different to men. Yes, scammers now cater for everyone. 

It really does sound like a minefield, so are there things we can do to help protect ourselves more from getting scammed?

Yes. Keeping yourself informed about fraud is the key. Being a bit more sceptical is not a bad thing, cross-reference things, check things, be vigilant. Use Google to run phone numbers and email addresses. Think about stuff, sleep on it, don't rush into decisions, don't be afraid to talk openly about fraud. It is a learning curve. So much of fraud is unreported because people feel ashamed. They feel as if they made it happen. It is a crime, it needs to be reported, talked about.

Indeed and as far as e-mail scams go they are getting more sophisticated. I used to get emails from @imcousinralph asking to transfer 19 million Ugandan dollars. But recently I got an email confirming my order for a Thai Bride which looked very convincing, and I had to click a link with my bank details to cancel, I mean obvious, I didn't order a Thai Bridge, but errr anyway....I wanted to ask what's the most convincing scam email you've received?

Uhm, not sure, I tend to be uber careful, sometimes even paranoid. But when I was advertising for participants for my interview study, a man emailed me from Africa and wanted to participate and tell me about being a victim of a job scam. His email address had a British sounding name and the name he gave me was clearly not that so I ran it through Facebook. It was registered to a white, 6ft model with Oxford degree in mathematics who was looking for love. So I guess even scammers get scammed sometimes. 

But I did hear of very sophisticated scams, where a fake company is registered, websites created that look expensive, even offices rented out to defraud people.  By the time it is found out, they move on. Like I said, businesses are not doing enough to make fraud difficult to execute, if they did, it would not be as easy to do it.

Very true and has your research affected how your view social interactions? Does it make you more aware of when people are trying to control the situation, so for example interviews with politicians etc?

Yes. I have seen the pain fraud causes to victims first hand. People become less trusting of everyone and often, when they report fraud, they don't get justice so they acquire a negative view of the whole society and the authorities. It did affect me and how I see the world and it makes me sad. Politicians? I don't trust politicians. Their pre election campaigns are usually fantasy scenarios. Or their promises are embedded deep in the future so by the time comes for them to implement something they are long gone because they turned out to be crap. Remember Boris saying he will make it more affordable for part time workers to get weekly travelcards? And then he only shaved some money off the zones 1-6, probably the least bought travelcard if you compare the rest of London. But if you made their manifestos legally binding... I might start to trust them again. 

Right then, Finally, to break the mood and end on a lighter note, I know you are also a lover of cats, has your enhanced knowledge of psychology come in handy to manipulate your feline friends? any cat based psychology experiences you can share?

Yes I have two Bengal cats. One whinges and begs for treats all the time and the other is a little mastermind. She opens doors, escapes, hangs off the curtains and looks you in the eye if you refuse to play when she feels like it. My knowledge of psychology sadly doesn't cover sophisticated masterminds. Often I think today I will be strong and not give into whinging but I always end up dispensing treats to save my sanity. Total fail.

Hahahah oh dear, it certainly goes to show who the master race is, our feline overlords will dominate us yet. Thank you so much for joining me today, it's been a wonderful interview and I've learned so much, and with that our interview is at a close.

The Moatman Interviews -S6- No.5 "Engineered to perfection" ft @Drleonblack

The cameras open on a building site somewhere in the north of England. As the camera pans from left to right builders can be seen preparing what looks like the foundations of a new house, a large cement mixer has just pulled onto the site and is reversing in as workmen shout to guide it into position. As the camera pans further it zooms in on two gentlemen stood off to one side watching the work take place. Decked out in wellies, high viz jackets and hard hats, the gentleman on the right wearing a white hard hat is pointing out things to the gent in a yellow hard hat on the left.

As the camera moves in closer we can see the gent on the left is none other than our host, Boff Moatman, with his beard tucked into a scarf with safety clamps. Moving in yet closer it looks like Boff and today's guest are already in deep into conversation. "I didn't know you could get white ones?" says Boff, referring to our guests hard hat. Our guest just shrugs and says "you can get all sorts these days Boff". "Indeed, and it's got the safety glasses built in, that's proper Buck Rogers, that is" says Boff reaching over to tweak the front of our guest's helmet. "You have to have the proper kit, Boff, safety is a serious subject. Talking of which I'm not sure those are standard issue safety specs are they?" asks Leon (our guest) as he returns the favour by waggling the arms on the heart shaped sunglasses that Boff is wearing. "My doctor says I have to wear these, I have a rare condition, where if I fall below less than 97% groovy I might die" Leon just laughs and asks "is your GP Doctor Feelgood?" which makes Boff blush.

"ooh hello, didn't notice you there" says Boff, "hello, and welcome to another of our Moatman interviews coming to you today from a building site in Leeds." "Today's guest is a senior lecturer in civil engineering materials and is well accustomed to the inner intricacies of the built environment." *Leon laughs and asks Boff whether that's an euphemism for the pub*. Boff also chuckles, "oooh, I can tell you're going to be mischief", he replies, "Today's guest is Dr Leon Black, who's kindly taking time out of his schedule to watch these fine gents pour the foundations of a house while answering some questions, as you do."    

Okay, as my regular readers will know I like to begin with an ice-breaker to help my readers get to know you a little better. So perhaps we could begin by asking what are civil engineering materials? what's the scope of your domain sir?

Put simply, it’s the stuff which is used to build the world around you. We use a lot of “stuff”; cement and concrete, steel, timber, masonry, asphalt, and I try to give students an understanding of how science can be used to explain engineering performance. I’m a chemist by training, so I try and instill a bit of science into the civil engineering lecture theatre, showing that engineering is applying and harnessing science for the goodness of mankind. I should apologise to Thomas Tredgold for plagiarising his ideas and paraphrasing him so badly, but he’s been dead for nearly 200 years, so I might be able to get away with it. 
    
Personally, I’m a cement geek and can talk for hours about the fascinating world of cement and concrete. I like to pass my love of cement science onto others, and I’m lucky enough to be able to do that for a job. We use over a tonne of concrete per person per year and modern life would not exist without it. But, it is so ubiquitous that people take it for granted and there are a lot of misconceptions about. Everyone thinks they know all about concrete, but it’s a lot more complex than people realise. I could tell you a number of hilarious anecdotes, but we might need to leave that for another time. 

Cement and concrete jokes eh? I presume that probably ends with a punchline along the gist of 'is it hard yet?' *Leon shoots Boff a quizzical look as if to say he doesn't know what Boff means* ahem! anyway, I guess a good follow-up question would be how does a nice boy like you end up on a building site like this? what I mean is how did you end up becoming a senior lecturer in this topic?

Well, I never really anticipated doing this for a job. I’ve always liked learning so found a job where I could continue doing that. I went to university in the late 80’s and studied chemistry. After this I specialised in analytical chemistry and was lucky enough to be offered a chance to study for a PhD. So, here I was, early 20s, looking at the corrosion of lead on historic buildings. I thought it was fantastic. I loved problem solving, working out how materials interacted with their environment and how this affected their performance.
      
Then in the late 1990s I was offered a job in Karlsruhe, southern Germany. This was 
studying the fundamental physics of nuclear materials. Not everyone’s cup of tea, and not mine really, but it paid well. However, after 2 years I’d had enough and found another job using my analytical chemistry to study the structure of cement. I literally would watch cement set under a microscope. But, I did some novel research, networked, scrubbed up and gave talks, and generally did what I could to get myself known. 
    
*stares off into space in the realisation of how “unique” aka. dull, my career path has been. 
    
I moved back to the UK in 2004 with family in tow and worked for 3 years at Sheffield Hallam University. This was more of looking down a microscope at cement [*another wistful,
dreamy look] then in 2007 saw a lectureship in Leeds advertised. I gave it a shot, not really thinking that I would be offered the job, but got it. The rest, as they say, is history. 

There are worse things you could do than watching cement set you know, I mean, some people watch the Coronation Street Omnibus of a Sunday, when they've already seen it in the week, I don't know those people personally, but you know. *Boff looks off wistfully*, so okay that's how you got here, but have you always been fascinated by this subject matter? when you were a little boy did you enjoy building things?

We lived near an old rubbish dump in Rochdale (no, stop laughing, the dump was NOT Rochdale) and I would spend my summers building dens. Invariably, I’d go back the next
day and some older kids would have pulled them down, but it was character building.
      
As a kid I also loved crystals and I would often build a crystal garden, looking at the crystals with a magnifying glass or microscope. So even then I was a bit odd and was doing at 6 what I’m doing 40 years later. 

If you like Rochdale young man, you should try Wakefield, I know some lads that do tours. So, now the important question, what kind of student were you at University? was it a strange transition from being sat in the lecture theatre, to being the one on the stage?

Bloody awful. I was the sort of student who I would hate now (if there were any in my classes). I had a bad attitude and an appalling attendance record. Looking back, although

I love learning, I was never passionate about my degree. There were some good lecturers, but it wasn’t until my final year that I had a fantastic project supervisor, Dr Nickless. He had a passion for his subject which was infectious.

      

But, it was too late and I messed up my first degree. Fortunately, Dr Nickless still accepted me onto his MSc and then I realised that I needed to buckle down and work. So I worked my socks off during my masters, combining study with working in Ladbrokes to pay the rent. From there I was offered a chance to study for a PhD and by this time, with a bit of freedom to “be me” It was during my PhD that I realised that I wanted to lecture. I spent days on end in the lab doing what I loved. I was finding out new stuff and talking about my findings to

other scientists who were (sometimes) interested in what I had to say. I wanted to do this forever, so the transition to being a lecturer sort of came naturally. 

    

I think that my experience as a student helped me and, I hope, helps me to be a better lecturer now. I know that I need to have a passion for my subject and I know that not   everyone will share that passion. There are times when I’ve had to meet with students who maybe haven’t been quite as hardworking as they should have been and I can understand where they’re coming from. I can empathise with students who haven’t got the grades   they’d hoped for, and I hope that this makes me a better lecturer. Maybe the students just think that I’m a daft old fart sharing my boring life history, but I can pretend otherwise. 

Ahhhh so like Obi Wan, you've become the master *nods sagely*, 'something like that Boff, although my Leeds FC brand lightsaber is still on order* (They both laugh). So most people feel nervous about public speaking, but it's a key part of your job, I wanted to ask did it come naturally to you or have you developed any good tricks for coping in front of large audiences?

I’m not a natural speaker, so I’ve had to develop the ability to give talks over the years. I used to host a pub quiz in Bristol when I was a student. That helped me to overcome my nerves, but my style then, shall we say, wouldn’t really be appropriate in a lecture theatre, and a couple of stiff drinks before each lecture would be frowned upon.
      
The best advice I can give is to practice, practice, practice. I didn’t sleep the night before I gave my first lecture, and then I spent the morning trying to practice the lecture while running to the loo every 15 minutes. But, by the time I stood in front of 150 students, I’d been through the lecture about 15 times and knew it backwards.

I must admit that's how I do it too. I've learnt all the words to Bohemian Rhapsody by heart, which is a bit odd, mid speech, but I find it wins over a crowd. *ahem* I guess also we can't cover this topic without asking you what are your favourites? So in your opinion what's the most impressive constructions both of the industrial era and modern era and why?

I love concrete, obviously, and I like modernist architecture and my favourite building is the Chrysler Building in New York. It’s just an elegant art deco structure, capped with a beautiful, shining steel crown. I guess it’s odd (well to me anyway) that my favourite building should be of steel and brick construction rather than concrete, but that’s just an interesting quirk of fate. 
    
But, surpassing even the Chrysler Building in its sheer majesty, is the London sewer system. This was designed by Sir Joseph Bazalgette in response to the Great Stink of 1858. Now I could wax lyrical for hours about this, but suffice to say, his specification of the newly invented Portland cement, and his insistence on not paying for any batch which didn’t meet his standards, kickstarted the fledgling UK cement industry. He introduced so many innovations that without his foresight the London sewer system would have failed years ago. It was his vision and determination, plus considerable skill which helped to change the world for millions, and that is what civil engineering is all about. 

ah, yes, bless him, the much forgotten Bazalgette. I would guess another good question would be that the basic materials for engineering haven't changed much in hundreds of years; but material science is a fascinating and evolving subject, so what does the future hold? will we all be living in houses made of plastic and driving on bridges made of carbon fibre in 20 years time?

I guess that the simple answer is no. There will be modifications to what we’re doing now, but they will be tweaks and slight changes, not wholesale change. The profit margins in construction are too low to allow significant innovation with fancy, new materials. For example, a tonne of concrete costs about £60, while a gram of graphene costs about
£2000. Even through graphene can improve the performance of concrete significantly, it simply isn’t cost effective.  
    
However, what I can see is a need to improve efficiency. We need to design smarter and build smarter. If I can get serious for a minute (as opposed to the light-hearted jovial manner thus far) climate change is a threat and we need to design a society which is resilient and functions with increased flooding or higher temperatures. So, we’ll be using the same materials, just hopefully using them more effectively. 

Hmmm quite so. Perhaps, we could take a change of direction with the next question, we've covered the subject, but what about the man? So I wanted to ask what's life like as a lecturer?

It’s fun. Hard work, but fun. It can take over life a little and I don’t tend to switch off apart from 2 weeks under canvas in Wales each “summer”. I’ve had emails at 1am asking for advice ahead of a 9am exam, which tested my patience a little. But, for a lot of the time I’m my own boss. I have enough freedom to research what I want and I’m surrounded by some great colleagues and students. I’ve had opportunities to travel the world and talk about a subject I love. Most of the travelling involves seeing airport lounges and the inside of meeting rooms, but I’ve been lucky enough to see some great places over the years.
      
Despite my wife and kids telling me that I’m a grumpy old git, the job keeps me young. I’m in daily contact with a lot of young people who have energy and passion for their studies. Their enthusiasm is infectious, and it’s great. 

Indeed and of course your job revolves around a term-time schedule, during the summer breaks do you take the opportunity to do your own research or is it 10 weeks in Fiji to recover from marking?

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    
Term time is much busier, but we don’t disappear on holiday when the students go home, despite what Lord Adonis may think. Each summer I supervise about 10-12 students on  PhD and MSc projects, write scientific papers, prepare lectures for the coming year, dealing with the paperwork, writing references for those students who’ve just graduated, and helping those students who now maybe won’t graduate. Over the next month I’ve got to prepare the teaching material for an online MSc on Concrete Technology and write a book chapter on alternatives to Portland cement. This will, honestly, be fun, but it’s not a summer sunning myself on a tropical beach.

Tropical beaches are overrated anyway. I also wanted to ask what you see as the main differences from a career in academia from a career in the commercial sector?

That’s a good question, but I’m not sure that I can answer it. I’ve never worked outside of academia, although I nearly jumped ship a few years ago with an offer to double my salary in industry. I guess that the main advantage is that I don’t have the same short-term goals as in industry, and while I can’t spend money willy-nilly, there is not the same pressure to return a profit on everything we do. Provided I give my lectures when I’m supposed to, set and mark exams and do the other essential stuff, I’m pretty much my own boss, that is liberating. 

Excellent and what's the best advice you could give any of our younger readers who might be interested in a career in civil engineering? what do you need to be good at?

Hard work. Our students work a lot harder than I did as a student, and we push them, but I think that they appreciate it (eventually). There’s a lot that goes in to being a civil engineer. Maths is essential, but there are a lot of other skills as well. Team work is important, as is
problem solving, and an ability to have an eye for detail while also seeing the big picture. While it’s a tough degree, the rewards are worthwhile. Civil engineers are in demand. We have graduates from Leeds working across the world and being paid well for it. But it’s not just about getting a job. Civil engineering gives you a way of seeing the world, and a way of changing it. Eurgh, that sounds cheesy.

Hahahaha, I'd say passionate sir. Okay, I also like to end on a silly question. So if you got a phone call tomorrow from Donald Trump asking for your advice on wall building, what would you do?

I’d build it, no questions asked. But, it would have to be my building it. This may not sound like the answer you were expecting, but basically I’m awful at DIY. I have shelves at home which are made horizontal with blutak and by wrapping tape around supporting screws. If I built the wall, it would fall down within 6 months. Probably not the best advertisement for civil engineering, but I’ll use my “I’m a chemist really” get out of jail free card.

Hahaha excellent, and with that the interview is at an end. Leon, gives Boff a nudge and asks him to see whether the freshly poured cement has gone off. Boff nears the cement foundation and crouches down to give it a prod to test whether it's set, as he reaches out an arm, Leon stood behind him asks 'Is it hard yet?' *before sniggering to himself*